Under the Mango Tree

The Mothballs Come Out

2008-02-11T10:11:00.000-08:00

Alright, folks.

This is the end.

I'm still feeling pretty woeful over having to bring this blog to a close.

It's hard to distinguish where the all of the sadness over leaving Cayman ends and individual sadnesses begin.

Of course, we'll miss the beach and the weather and how vibrant everything is... especially on days like today when it's 12 degrees outside.

It's easy to disregard everything that made it difficult and unsustainable when you're a few thousand miles away....and cold.

But it was good. We did it and it was nice and now we're getting everything in order to start planning whatever the next step will be. Relocation? Tattoos? Kids? Tattooed Kids?

I guess we'll jump off of that bridge when we come to it. That's how the saying goes, right?

Anyway, thanks again for reading.

I'm keeping this site open for the occasional walks down memory lane. Feel free to check back to reference mango varietals or how much an idiot Frankie Muniz is or whatever made you smile.

Here's a little slide show of some of the thousands of pictures we took down there. It's pretty slapdash, but it still choked me up as I previewed it.

Make sure to check out (and bookmark, and subscribe to) the new blog when time permits:

randomshizza.blogspot.com

There'll be some music and some ranting and plenty of mildly entertaining stuff.

Until then.... Ta.

Getting Settled... again.

2008-02-06T07:15:00.000-08:00

We've arrived safe and sound, and are trying to get moved back into our house.

There was a peace lily waiting for us on the porch, sent by our incredible friends Marc e Kirstin de Schweitz.

Things had been going well enough until we got bombarded with snow last night.... I checked weather.com and Cayman is just a little warmer than we are right now.... just a little.

Anyway, I'll post shortly with information on the new blog and pics of our progress...

Thanks for reading.

Z

...and the Lord taketh away.

2008-01-29T18:15:00.000-08:00

Hello All. All 6 of you.

First, I apologize for taking such a long break from updating you on all of the ridiculousness we get up to around here.

There has been a deluge of rottenness that washed away any desire I had to actually write anything down, and we're just now coming up for air.

About ten days ago, Kristi's clinic announced that it will be leased out to a new management group at the end of the month.

This management group decided that there was no room in the new clinic for Kristi, so she was informed she'd be losing her work permit.

Without a work permit, she can't stay on the island.

If you are reading this while standing, I strongly urge you to find a comfy, supportive place to sit before scrolling down any further.

I am about to release a bit of information that might come as such a shock to you, that you tumble to the floor in a formless heap.

Sitting? Okay, here goes: I'm not positive that I could keep us afloat with my "Document Filer" job.

I wouldn't trust the horrible temp agency that holds my work permit with making me a sandwich, let alone ensuring my ability to thrive in a foreign country.

SO, after much deliberation and soul-searching, we've come to the sad conclusion that we cannot stay in Cayman.

There's a lot more that went into the decision, but the stuff I already mentioned is boring enough.

We're very sad, but we don't really have any other option. Getting a job here is a nightmare, and we don't feel like struggling through another few months would give any earth-shattering experiences that would make it worth the added stress.

So, we sold the car, notified the marvelous landlords, and gave almost all of our stuff to the Humane Society Thrift Store.

I also quit the Document Filer job, and the Temp Agency called me "a disgrace to all Americans," a "failure," and told me that I was hired "even though your resume was completely insufficient for consideration by our agency."

Riiiiiight.

This is the same agency, by the way, that got me jobs driving around the island making sure phone books were delivered, sitting in cold rooms watching Med Students take tests, and sitting in an empty office licking envelopes.

And filing documents.

I guess that's more than a bilingual, CPR-certified, Eagle Scout with a degree in Communication Studies and 5 years experience at a Fortune 500 company could ever hope for.

I'm just happy they gave me a chance.

Maybe if I had finished my MBA they could have gotten me a job on the Trash Truck.

I'm sure they had a position lined up for me watching paint dry or standing in a field or something equally rewarding. What a shame that I'll miss out.

Anyway, enough about those wretched, soulless garbage-mongers.

Okay, one more... I'll just say that Hell waits for them with open arms.

We'll be leaving this Thursday and heading back to Kansas City to regroup and decide what the next adventure will be.

I'll be moth-balling the blog, unless the Kansas City Winter Mango crop is better than I'm expecting....

Check back for final thoughts and more photos of our time here.

Until then, thanks for checking in, and we'll look forward to hearing from you soon.

Ta.

"Livid." File under "L."

2008-01-08T18:55:00.000-08:00

Geez, guys... I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long for the far-too-regular dose of nonsense.

There's been little to report these days.... with the help of a constant barrage of ridiculousness and inconvenience from all directions, the sadness of the holidays has morphed into an almost indescribable anger.

There have been several false starts into 2008's inaugural blog, all of which quickly degenerated into lists of people who's faces I'd like to smash.

Until I'm more clear on how "Threats Against Physical Well Being" are handled in the Caymanian Judicial System, I'll keep them to myself.

And wait.

I'm posting these flower pics that I took to take the "deranged" edge off of this post. Working?

Okay, Christmas = Sad, Zach's angry again... what else?

New Years was lovely. Kristi and I took a bottle of Prosecco and a gorgeous little Cohiba down to 7 Mile Beach and watched all of the Fireworks displays that the resorts host.

It was like ten 4th of July's going on all at once, and was a perfect end and beginning.

The Cubans that live behind us celebrated by blaring salsa music until 6 am. I checked MSN.com to see if Castro had finally died. It turns out they just really love to party.

They say Communism stifles the Human Spirit. I personally witnessed a love of fireworks that not even waiting in line for 6 hours for rice can kill.

I could barely hear the music because they were lighting chain after endless chain of Firecrackers until sirens came blaring around the same time.

I heard later that this wasn't the cops shutting them down, but an ambulance responding to a "Drunk Cuban Blew Two of His Fingers Off" call. I think that's like 419 or something.

In other news, the Agency to whom my servitude is indentured truly, truly excels in two areas:

1-NOT finding me a job.

and

2-Finding me horrible jobs.

They earned another Gold Star in the second category today, assigning me to an Offshore Management Company.

I was initially excited at the prospect of FINALLY getting some Offshore experience to pad my wilting resume, but then I remembered that the Agency's Code of Conduct expressly forbids them from finding me anything decent.

I arrived at 8:30 to be trained on my new, 2-week assignment.

Document Filer.

BA in Comm Studies? Not necessary.

5 years Broad-based Corporate Finance Experience? No thanks.

Conversational Spanish? For what?

My knowledge of the Alphabet is the only part of my resume from which I'll need to draw for the ten days.

Oh yeah, I forgot to add it : Eagle Scout. Let's see if I remember how to tie a noose.

Ta.

Good Tidings and all that....

2007-12-26T17:22:00.000-08:00

WELL, Christmas has come and gone without our soon-to-be-diagnosed clinical depression/separation anxiety rearing it's ugly head. Er, heads. Whatever.

It was rotten being away from family, just as I predicted in the last post, but there were bright points that took our minds off of how much we miss everyone back home.

One point of questionable brightness was the age-old Christmas Tradition of "Feeding Chickens that Live in Our Yard."

Here's a little vid of me and "Le Coq Monsieur," the young rooster who seems to be the only one that realizes that we're vegetarians and can be trusted. And we're slow-moving.

He's actually the half brother of ""Pomme," the little chick featured in an older, but equally boring post.

Their mother, Frenchie, is growing more and more trusting by the day, and we hope to be able to hand feed her soon.

You know we don't have a TV, right?

Anyway, I was worried that we wouldn't see the Chickens for Christmas. They have been coming around less and less, seeming to take offense to the Holiday album I've been playing.

We received a call from Mr. Chowtee, Maitre D'Hotel of "The Lighthouse at Breakers" (our favorite restaurant on the planet) on Sunday. He advised us that they would be offering a limited seating for Christmas dinner, and that "Someone" had called in a Gift Certificate for us.

I asked if the sender was supposed to be a secret.

He said "I don't know, your Dad didn't say."

We made our reservation and got seats on the patio, where we were able to witness the Christmas Sunset over our insalata.

For dinner, I had a gorgeous Baked Pumpkin Gnocchi with Asparagus and Petit Ripali.

Kristi had Pumpkin and Leek soup with Sunflower Seeds, and I think she liked it.... I was too busy cramming the gnocchi into my face like some Haute Cuisine Homer Simpson to pay attention.

For dessert, we always share the Beignets with Vietnamese Cinnamon. I think they're low carb or something.

They're served with Creme Anglaise, fresh fruit, and Strawberry Coulis, and I think that they're proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

They're so good, I think they merit another pic.

We'll have some when you come and visit. So, COME ON!!!! And tell my folks to phone in another free dinner for us.

The old Red Bay Estate puts on a pretty spectacular Christmas Light display, which we photographed from the car, as we were too stuffed to get out.

I think they're just over-compensating for the fact that they didn't do ANYTHING for 4th of July.

After hauling ourselves inside, I flopped walrus-style back out to the porch to cap off the evening with an exquisite Cuban Partagas Lusitania, one of the benchmark double-coronas of the world.

Coupled with an equally exquisite 8-year-old Angostura Trinidadian Rum, it was a fitting end to a perfect meal.

Two hours alone in the dark gave me a lot of time to think of everyone about whom we care so much.

This is the first Christmas I've ever spent away from friends and family, and I'm not anxious to repeat it.

I was able to make peace with the sadness I feel in the realization that if the people in our lives weren't so incredible, I wouldn't be so "mashed up" over not being with them.

So, while Christmas is an incredible time, there's no reason that the next time we see you can't be just as special.

Togetherness is cause enough for celebration, and it can't come soon enough for us.

Anyway, Merry Christmas, and thanks for reading.

I promise more marginally amusing tales in the New Year, if we make it that far.

Peace.

A Stinging Sensation

2007-12-20T07:16:00.000-08:00

Kristi and I went swimming with some Stingrays on Sunday, and I had plans of writing a long post about it.

It was incredibly enjoyable, even though both of us received painful bites, or "sucks" to be more accurate.

Here's Kristi's "Stingray Hickie."

Our amazing friends Marc and Kirstin keep the blog "Rues de Geneve" (link below.) They've been living in Switzerland for about the same amount of time we've been here in Cayman, and we shamelessly copied their idea of keeping a blog to chronicle the adventure.

Early this week, we received the sad news that Kirstin's Father had passed away in Texas after a heart-breaking battle with esophageal cancer.

The shadow that this news cast has left us feeling contemplative and even more woeful that we won't be returning home over the Christmas Holiday.

It also made writing an unfunny post about Stingrays seem even less important that it already was, if that's even possible.

This Holiday Season has really crept up on us. It's hard to take "December" seriously when we're rubbing aloe on sunburnt shoulders.

Yesterday, I heard one of my favorite Christmas Carols, Stevie Wonder's performance of "Someday at Christmas."

The rush of emotion was overwhelming.

I thought about our families and how hard it is to be so far away from them, especially during this time of year.

I thought about our friends and how Christmas is usually when we'd gather to check in on one another.

I though about the fragility and impermanence of everything, and loved ones who are no longer with us.

Thinking these things and hearing this song was too much, and I had to pull into a parking lot to wipe the tears from my eyes and regain control before finishing the drive to work.

I'm officially homesick.

I'm attaching Stevie's carol for you to enjoy.

Even though it was written in 1967, the lyrics are just as applicable today.

So, just in case.... Merry Christmas.

Cay-Listers

2007-12-12T05:14:00.000-08:00

For years the Ritz-Carlton Grand Cayman was a joke and a punchline within itself.

It took like 87 years to build, at a cost of 9 quadrillion dollars, and remains two-thirds empty 5 years after opening. The starting price for three bedroom Condos inside the Ritz has just been lowered, yes LOWERED to 2.9 million US. Really.

They keep a parking circle full of white Mercedes-Benz and BMW vehicles for their guests to use, as well as a helicopter to shuttle you to Miami if you eat some bad shellfish or something.

The bad shellfish would have to come from somewhere else, because both* of their restaurants have menus designed by Eric Ripert, a Michelin Star winner and one of the top 5 chefs in the world.

*Both. Two. One over-priced joint was not enough for them. Two over-priced joints was juuuuust-riiiiight.

The Ritz is a gargantuan structure, joining the Great Wall of China and Kirstie Alley as one of the few Earthly things visible from space. It's so tall that it eclipses the sun on our morning beach walk, and our disgust at the size and pretentiousness of the complex is matched only by our hatred for it's guests.

All of that being said, they really know how to throw a party.

The Ritz hosted the Cayman Classic Tennis ProAm over the weekend, and Kristi was offered VIP passes in exchange for her services as a Physiotherapist for the tournament players.

We debated a little when the offer came through....

Should we take the high road, standing strong in the face of an institution that we feel is an eyesore and completely wrong for Cayman?

Or.....

Should we go eat their food, drink their liquor, and act like fools? You know... in protest or whatever....

Well....

Once I saw the tickets, I knew it we had to make a decision. And a scene.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Please attire yourself in white for this event."

Pfffffttt.

They might as well have said: "Zach. Please act like a Baboon on Angel Dust."

We went, and I must admit it was really lovely.

The food was fresh and delicious (see Baked Potato Martini below), the pours were generous and straight from the top shelf, and the service was friendly and attentive.

There were also a bunch of celebrities there, but more on them later.

We ran into our friends Jocelyn and Brian and had an incredibly nice time.

But, you know... we had a great time IN PROTEST!!!!!

We grabbed our shoes and left a little after midnight, feeling like maybe we hadn't given the Ritz a fair shake.

We woke up feeling a little... Off, and decidedly less hospitable.

The ProAm was that morning, and we had VIP tent bracelets.

Again, incredible food and drink, luxurious accommodations, and some aggressively obnoxious celebrities.

I sat by Frankie Muniz (from TV's Malcom in the Middle) for the better part of 5 hours. This was not my choice... it was just a very small tent.

He looked like the hobbit, and would not shut up about car racing.

Some gems:

"I'm one of the top-ten drivers in the world."

"NASCAR is fixed, so I turned down a HUGE contract with them."

"I'm one of the top-five drivers in the world."

"I could probably win this tennis tournament, but I'm saving my energy for a race that's coming up."

"I'm like the.... top driver in the world.... but, whatever...."

"I'm like a God in Mexico City. They love me. I'm the top driver in the world."

"I don't even act anymore... you have to make sacrifices when you're the top driver in the world."

(When asked about Helio Castroneves, the REAL top driver in the world)

"He lost on Dancing with the Stars. I'll beat him no problem."

and

"I race cars for a living. I'm probably the top driver in the world."

Alan Thicke, Jason Biggs, that dude who won "The Apprentice," and that blonde lady that Fred Thompson fired from his office for being a lesbo on Law and Order were there, too. Oh yeah, and a bunch of tennis stars.

They all graciously spared me the details of what they're "best in the world" at.

Anyway, I was Over-Served once again, and left feeling sunburnt and angry at the Ritz for inviting Frankie Muniz.

All in all... a very nice couple of days on the Ritz's dime. The face value for all four tickets was over $1,000, so I suppose that we can't be too angry at the Ritz.

But we probably will.

I did get bitten by a FIRE ANT while I was there.

I think I'll sue them AND Frankie Muniz.

Ta.

Pumk'd

2007-12-06T04:41:00.000-08:00

This is a rooster from Smith's Cove. We haven't named him, yet.... Any ideas?

WELL, there's depressingly little to report. The agency has me "proctoring tests" again this week at the Med School.

"Proctoring" is Latin/Canadian for "Sitting in Frozen Silence." The one bit of excitement is every two hours or so I get to go "SSSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!!" and furrow my brow. Good stuff.

SO, instead of talking about Scantrons or the Bathroom sign-out sheet, I'm going to talk about the pumpkin I roasted yesterday.

Pumpkin grows year-round here in Cayman. It's a staple food that accompanies island-style cuisine and thickens soups and stews. We buy a pumpkin every week and put it into burritos, on pizzas, and even over ice cream.

Once you've selected your pumpkin, cut the big boy into halves.

With a stout metal spoon, scrape out the fibers and seeds.

Chop and Peel the flesh to uniform size, making sure to rinse well to remove any grit or remaining peel.

Spread onto a baking sheet. Drizzle with Olive Oil and toss with salt, pepper, sugar, and a savory herb.

We use local fresh Thyme, although Sage or Rosemary would be just as delicious.

We also add chopped Vidalia Onion and a couple cloves of Garlic, though it works just as well without.

Bake in a 375 degree oven for about 45 minutes, tossing every ten minutes or so.

Once the house smells so good you can no longer stand it (and the pumpkin mashes with almost no pressure) it's time to eat.

It's traditionally served along with Rice and Peas or roasted breadfruit.

I've referenced breadfruit before... it's a starchy fruit that you treat the same as you would potato. I roasted some of that yesterday, as well... it looks like this:

If savory isn't your thing, you can roast the pumpkin with almond oil, cinnamon, nutmeg, and brown sugar, which also makes the house smell incredible. This is what it looks like:

Warm spiced pumpkin with Vanilla Ice Cream or cold Rice Pudding is like a religious experience. (It's even more religious if you use Soy Dream/So Delicious or Vegan Rice Pudding... hahaha)

Speaking of Religious, make sure not to tip the pan when you're moving it in and out of the oven to toss during roasting. The hot oil can run down to the tipping point, soak through your oven-mitt, and give you a nasty grease burn.

Like this one:

I say Religious, because I took the Lord's name in vain over and over again whilst clutching my thumb. It was ALMOST as bad a KILLER BEE STING!!!!!!

Anyway, back to pumpkins:

The Halloween-variety Pumpkin (called the "Oil Pumpkin") has flesh the is much too fibrous to eat, so you may not want to try this on the leftover Jack-o-Lantern on your porch.

You CAN, however, roast the seeds, which are healthy and delicious. We toss them in salads and they add a marvelous depth of flavor.

And... If you have the expeller attachment for your KitchenAid mixer, you can extract the oil from the seeds. It's incredibly healthy, and is all the rage on the gourmet scene right now.

In fact, splashing the deep green pumpkin seed oil over scrambled eggs creates one-half of Dr. Seuss's famous dish. (insert Sam I Am joke here)

Alright, enough pumpkin talk. If cooking isn't your thing, you'll just have to come and visit so I can make it for you.

Soon.

Ta.

Number of Things that Went Wrong This Week:

2007-12-02T12:01:00.000-08:00

Not quite that many, but still... a rotten week by any measure.

Highlights include :

- leaving my ATM card in the machine and living in almost constant terror that they're stealing the few measley dollars that we have.

- being offered a job at FedEx, then being told that it might not start for a FEW MONTHS.

- Kristi getting a call from her boss at 4:40pm on Friday "letting her know" that, despite no previous notification, this was a "working weekend." Kristi was supposed to be moving furniture (which she remembered well from her Master's Studies...)

- We show up early on Saturday to "work." No one else does.

- ANOTHER FIRE ANT bite on my hand, which has since become infected.

- MU's loss to whoever those inbred meatheads were.

Anyway, this is just the tip of the iceberg, but in this case the iceberg is composed of frozen sewage. The week was lousy.... almost "we're getting out of here" lousy. We'll keep you posted.

Enough whining.

Kristi ran on a relay team for the Cayman Islands Marathon this morning, for which we got up at 3:30am, still angry from MU's stinging loss. There were a total of about 500 runners, most of whom were also on relay teams.

It was nice to have breathing room after being stranded so many times before among the droves of people who turn out for Chicago and Boston's marathons.

Her team did well, and she overtook 5 runners that had gotten their handoff before her. I think it was this intimidating pre-run flexing that got them scared....

I was proud her performance, but pride faded back into this week's standard-issue simmering rage when I stepped into a puddle of ice-runoff and vomit by the finish line. In flip-flops.

I've showered and napped, and have calmed down. I'm crossing my fingers that this week will be better.

Until then, I'm taking refuge in this local vegetable pizza that I just made:

...this Partagas Serie P No. 2.....

...and this lovely Flor de Caña 12 year old Nicaraguan rum.

Until then....

Grubbin' Up

2007-11-24T14:57:00.000-08:00

The Feast!

Today, after a walk on the beach, we cooked for most of the morning and then ate for most of ten minutes.

I know I promised "a million pictures," but I saw all the marvelous food, and could only snap one before going at it like the Tasmanian Devil in those old Looney Toons.

The menu was:

Quorn (fake chicken) that we breaded Cajun Style and fried.

Tossed Salad with toasted Pumpkin Seeds.

Local Breadfruit roasted with fresh thyme and garlic.

Local Pumpkin roasted with more fresh thyme and sweet onions.

Local Callaloo sauteed with sweet onions.

Sauteed Local Plantain. (not pictured, yes devoured.)

Kristi's Multigrain Cornbread

We were going to make the Jamaican Festival fritters for dessert, but neither of us could move well after the culinary onslaught.

Now, in true Thanksgiving style, we're going to eat some cold leftovers and watch MU roll KU up and smoke them on (inter)national television.

We don't have a TV, so we have to go to Legendz Sports Bar to do it. Nothing says "Thanksgiving" like 7 dollar rum and cokes.

Oh, and here's a picture of a chicken high up in the tree across the street.

TA!

Giving Thanks

2007-11-23T07:37:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all.

I know any Thanksgiving message is supposed to have a picture of a Turkey, but there are no turkeys here. The photo above is of "Pomme Pomme," the newest addition to the (flock? gaggle? swarm?) uh... group of chickens that lives in our yard.

Pomme Pomme's mother is a beautiful black and white hen that looks like she's straight out of some European still-life painting. We named her "Frenchie Poulet" immediately upon moving in. Here's a picture of Pomme running to steal a morsel of bread from Frenchie:

Get it? Chicken n' Taters? Anyway..

We're vegetarians, so there was no chicken OR turkey for our Thanksgiving day festivities. We both had to work, but celebrated the holiday by eating Falafel sandwiches and Fatoush salad on 7 miles beach just before sunset. The only way in which the evening could have been improved was if we were joined by our families and friends whom we miss so much.

When we arrived home from dinner we noticed a couple of things that were different than when we'd left.

First, there was a cow tied to a tree across the street from our house.

I think it's a baby bull, but it was ill-tempered and I didn't feel that a full inspection was needed.

Another thing we noticed was this car.

It was about 50 yards from our driveway, and was drew a very lively crowd. I almost ran inside to grab a bottle of rum in an effort to spawn a spontaneous block party, but the Cops didn't seem in much of a "dancing mood." Maybe another time.

At some point I'll have an entire post about Caribbean Drivers, but until then let me think of a way to describe them....

Have you ever gone to an arcade in which they have a whole row of Car Racing games, and there's ten or twelve children screaming and swerving and driving as fast as the cars will go?

Imagine them a little taller and with accents. And on PCP. That's about right...

Anyway, the black car hit this guy's car when it was stationary, resulting in Ambulance rides all around and one very upset cow. It also caused the first-ever traffic jam in our tiny little corner of the island, so that was exciting.

We even got to see a real Caymanian Firetruck.

It's just like the ones I draw in the sand while "exercising."

Anyway, I guess we're thankful that we weren't in the accident, and they neither of us were tied to a tree, and all that....

We're also thankful that all of the marvelous people in our lives are safe and sound, and we'll keep all of you in our prayers.

...and check back over the weekend. We're doing our big Thanksgiving meal on Saturday, and I'll have about a million pics to post.

Until then....

Bugs-2 / Z-0

2007-11-21T06:33:00.000-08:00

I found this on my walk the other day.

Kristi and I go out to the beach almost every morning. She runs and I walk. Usually.

Sometimes I wait until she's out of sight and I sit down and draw firetrucks and stingrays in the sand.

But I WAS walking when I found a lobster leg on the beach. I looked around, finding more legs, and eventually came across the object in the pic above.

It's a section of the exoskeleton from a Spiny Lobster's tail. They're usually brown, but this one was bleached out by the sun, revealing all of these beautiful pastel pinks and purples. I thought it was pretty, so I picked it up to show Kristi.

The membrane underneath the tail, as well as the swimmerettes, were intact, so I know it wasn't a human that ate this lobster. It probably washed ahore dead, and was hollowed out by the ghost crabs that keep the beach clean.

Either way, my taking it must have disturbed the Animalian Spirits, causing them to release the Arthropodic Fatwah that has plagued me since.

You remember the KILLER BEE sting, right? Well, that felt like an Angel's Kiss compared to the FIRE ANTS that attacked me at the beach on Sunday.

I had picked up a piece of coral and placed it on our beach blanket to keep it from getting blown away by the Christmas Breezes. I laid down to read, and about 4.2 nanoseconds later I was on fire.

I don't remember if the realization that I was covered with ants preceded my hellish screetching, but both were of no comfort to those around me.

I ran into the water for relief, which never came.

Within about 5 minutes, I had 30-some half-inch welts all over my arms, all of which felt like a cigarette was being pressed into them. Hard.

I jabbered about "mortal f'ing pain" until Kristi took me home. I spent the evening whimpering into my Chana Masala until bedtime, telling Kristi to look at my arms no less than 50 times.

When I started to tell her how it felt, she smirked and told me to save my energy, she'd just read about it on the blog.

I think I'll leave a banana peel in her bed so she can have her own Fire Ants story.

Anyway, I'm taking the Lobster Shell back to the beach tonight. Hopefully it will reverse whatever bad Crustacean-juju is vexing me.... I'll keep you posted.

Roasted Root

2007-11-15T09:15:00.000-08:00

Did you know that Cayman has Africanized "Killer" Bees?

Well, we do.

I'm not sure if the bee that stung me this morning was Africanized or not, but it felt like a searing bolt of liquid-laser lightning slamming into my hand, and I can still feel my heartbeat in the sting site. So, until it stops throbbing, I'm telling everyone I see that I got stung by a Killer Bee this morning. HARD!

It started on our morning swim. I see all sorts of bugs floating in the water, but almost never stop to examine them (unless I accidentally suck one in while taking a breath.)

I saw the KILLER BEE struggling in the water, and for some reason completely devoid of any merit whatsoever, decided to try to help him. I scooped him out of the water, and held him on the back of my hand so that he could dry out. I waited a few minutes, and was going to deposit him onto the top of a buoy floating nearby so he could fly off when he had warmed up.

I figured that I would save his life so that maybe he could pollinate more mango flowers or guava blooms, and I could pick up a little karmic recharge for the day.

Instead, the little EFFER STUNG ME as I paddled toward the buoy.

So, in a nod to my first grade teacher, Miss Jackie Price, I reinacted the "Mashing Up the Baby Bumble Bee" song, punctuated with curse words so foul that the water around me began to BOIL.

Not really boil, but I did cuss a lot. HARD!

By the end of the swim, my hand swelled up to look like one of those 30's-style Baseball Mitts.

It's back down to normal now, which is more than the KILLER BEE can say for his condition.

Anyway, enough about him. I want to talk about callaloo and bok choy.

Have I mentioned Callaloo before? I can't remember... either way, it's a type of green, leafy plant that is eaten wilted, like turnip greens or collard greens. The stalk is also edible, and has an asparagus-like texture. It's full of iron and fiber, and tastes lovely. It's also a huge pain in the ass to clean, so we buy it pre-chopped whenever possible.

Bok Choy here is the same as Bok Choy anywhere, and is eaten in the same manner as the callaloo. (That's the Bok Choy above... they also call it "Chinese Cabbage" here...)

This was the first week that Bok Choy had finally gotten big enough to harvest, and so we bought some at the Farmers' Market on Saturday morning (while still reeling from almost crushing a baby to death.)

The Caymanian manner of preparation goes like this: you sautee some garlic, onions, and peppers along with the callaloo and/or bok choy stalks until tender. Reduce the heat, season, and add the chopped leaves. Stir occasionally, and it should be ready to serve in about 25 minutes.

It steamed up the lens in this pic, but this is how it looks when it's done:

We had it last night with roasted potatoes and pumpkin, and it RULED. HARD!

...and I'm having a pumpkin-greens-and-garbanzo burrito as soon as I hit "publish post."

We'll have some when you come and visit us, so c'mon down.

Until then, avoid killer bees. Hard.

Ta.

Panoramers!!!!

2007-11-11T17:24:00.000-08:00

Here is the Panoramers Steel Pan Ensemble performance in the Pirates Week parade.

This is a popular song on the radio, but I can't remember the name of it....

Pandemonium!!!!

2007-11-11T12:53:00.000-08:00

Here's Cayman Steel Pan Ensemble "Pandemonium" playing Destra Garcia's huge soca hit "I Dare You" in the Pirates Week Street Parade.

More to come.....

Jeezis, I'm sick of the Pirates.

2007-11-10T18:39:00.000-08:00

Here are the REAL Pirates Week 2007 Kickoff Party Fireworks from Hog Sty Bay in Georgetown.

Okay, first off - blogging is kind of like journalism, right? Journalism, I hear, is big on "getting the facts straight."

I must then faithfully report that the fireworks that we saw in the distance the other evening (vid below) were NOT for the Pirates Week Kickoff Party. Those were for Diwali, the Hindu Festival of Lights marking the birth of some Goddess that Destroyed some Evil King a zillion years ago or something.

This would help explain why they were way off in the distance instead of AT THE KICKOFF PARTY.

Anyway, my apologies to any Hindus that may accidentally stumble across this blog. If you knew full well what those fireworks were for and feel slighted, I am very sorry.

Diwali didn't make the cut on my planner calender for some reason. I can promise, though, that I will not mis-label the fireworks displays for Boxing Day, Columbus Day, or National Take Your Daughter To Work Day. All of those are in there.

Anyway, moving right along - these Pirates are driving me bananas. They're everywhere, with their "Arrrg's" and their "Shivers," "Avasts," and "Lubbers." I've had it. I've been a good sport so far, but aren't we a bit old for a whole week of this?

There are no local pirates. They're all (in my experience) American, Middle-Aged, and Drunk.

My apologies again to any Hindu Pirates with whom I've not had contact.

They've got elaborate costumes, and mill about the crowds firing blanks and swinging dull cutlasses. It's funny for about 15 minutes, then you want to say "Listen, Dude, you've got a 'Omaha Music Boosters' t-shirt showing from under your coat. Go sit on the beach or scuba dive or something. Stop wasting your vacation sweating on me."

I know it's all in good fun, but "Fun" for me stopped around the second hour of standing in the sun when someone spilled some red drink all over my feet and legs. Fun Over.

Oh yeah, and getting bumped by a Pirate last night, losing my balance, dropping my cornbread, and FALLING ONTO A BABY was not fun.

I looked back just in time to grab the stroller handle and hover menacingly over the baby instead of actually crushing it, but it was close. One of my legs was in the air off and everyone was screaming in that embarrassing "He's killing that baby" kind of way.

Nothing like nearly killing a little Jamaican baby to take the "Funny" out of the next "Walk the Plank" Joke.

Anyway, that's it for me and Pirates. Tomorrow is a Beach Day, and if see a pirate I will feed them sand. HARD!!!!

The parade was actually really fun, sticky legs notwithstanding. There actually was one marching band:

There were also several Steel Pan Groups (most of which were from schools. I think Steel Pan Ensembles are what Cayman Schools do instead of Symphonic Bands.)

..and some very colorful parade participants. Here's some giant parrot-man:

...and here is Sparky, the Cayman Utility Company Turtle:

I must admit, I almost went after Sparky with a broken bottle, since CUC rapes us every month on our power bill and then apparently uses the money to buy parade floats and sound systems and giant turtle costumes.

There's only one power company... I can't figure out why they feel like they need to advertise.

Maybe they're scared that we might hook this handsome fella's stationary bike up to a generator and power our whole block!

That's Graham, one of Kristi's friends and training partners. He's been a Barrister for 25 years and said that Cayman sees more that it's fair share of "Crushed Baby/Dropped Cornbread" suits. They're never pretty.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll calm down tomorrow and feel bad for talking so crazy about Pirates tonight. Maybe some Pirate Wench will save me from drowning with her giant feather boa....

But until that point, this Dog shall remain Salty.

Check back shortly for some video clips of what we saw in the parade.

Lates!

Yo Ho Ho and a Virgin Oasis Mango Colada Smoothie

2007-11-09T06:34:00.000-08:00

WELL, Pirates week has officially begun here in the Cayman Islands.

I think I understand the concept, but won't tell you the whole deal just yet. There's a big party and street dance tonight in Georgetown, and I think I'll be able to explain it better afterwards.

My initial impression is that it's Cayman's version of Carnaval or Mardi Gras, but without any religious undertones. And really, really Disney.

Kristi and I went to the Kickoff Party at the Wharf Restaurant last night. Our first mistake was showing up an hour early to get a parking place. "Start time 7pm" translates to "Start time whenever the comstumed pirates show up" which happened at about 9.

We ended up chillin' at the waterfront bar for two hours, sipping the fruity drinks that Kristi likes. Slowly, because they're 12 dollars each.

The pirates showed up in full regalia, sexually harrassing the women and all trying really hard to be Johnny Depp. It was good fun to see the tourists who were just out for dinner picking firecracker ash out of their Island Style Mahi-Mahi.

I don't have pictures of the pirates because I used up all of my camera battery taking pictures of the enormous tarpon that gather around The Wharf's waterfront for the nightly feeding.

There are about 100 4 to 6 foot long Tarpon that school in the evening, waiting for a waiter to ring the feeding bell. The sound ignites a feeding frenzy that includes acrobatic leaps from the water for kitchen scraps and fish carcasses.

(Yes, they're supposed to look that way. I'm trying to be "artsy," or something.)

It's really exciting, and we'll all go see it together when you visit us.

So, I'm charging the camera battery right now for tonight, so check back tomorrow for pics of the pirates and street dancing and all that....

TA!

The Bells, The Bells

2007-11-05T17:39:00.000-08:00

WELL, I'm sad to report that the trip to K.C. came and went far too quickly.

Bryan and Tina were married on Saturday in a beautiful service, and time spent with them before and after the ceremony could not have been more enjoyable.

They were married at St. Something's in Leavenworth... I remember that it was beautiful and one of the only Churches in the midwest that are of the Carmelite Order.

You can learn more at www.ocarm.org. Or not, either way....

The Chapel had just undergone a complete renovation, and it was by far the most beautiful church I've seen in the U.S.

I was only in town for a couple of days, but still got to see family and a few friends. It was so great to see everyone that I barely noticed that is was ABSOLUTELY FAH-REEZING in Kansas City.

There was one extremely pleasant and completely unexpected surprise that I should report. I had the honor of meeting a very nice lady named Lisa Walters. She is, according to my Dad, "the kind of nurse you wish you had a whole hospital full of."

She is also, according to Lisa herself, a fan of this blog.

I know, I know.... it defies all logic to think that a real, live Medical Professional would actually READ this blog, let alone enjoy it, LET ALONE admit (in public) to be a "fan."

Lisa presented me with an incredibly thoughtful gift - an Ergonomic Mango Slicer.

It even has oversized, non-slip rubber handles

(See? Always thinking about safety... what a great nurse....)

So, I have one fan.

Kristi just wondered aloud if Lisa will be a fan of the dirty dishes I'm ignoring to write this.

Now she's wondering aloud how Caymanian divorces work.

Now she's threatening to throw hot tea on me if I keep typing all of the things she says to me while I'm blogging....

SO, until then....

OH, and P.S...... I ate my lunch in the Royal Bank of Canada parking lot again today, and look who came CRAWLIN' BACK!!!!!!

VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!!

Full'a Bulla

2007-10-30T18:26:00.000-07:00

Hello All.

All four of you that read this, that is.... this is Flinty, the rooster that lives across the street. He came over this morning, begging for part of my breakfast.

He gobbled up toast, hunks of orange, and to my amusement, grabbed the banana peel I threw him and hauled tail-feather for the other side of the street.

Did I mention we don't have a TV?

Anyway, it's been a pretty good week. Busy driving all over "Controlling Quality" or something. The delivery guys are getting paid by the book, so they're not skipping anywhere. I keep thinking I'm going to find a pile of books behind Esso or something, but so far it's been great. I've been putting a gang of km on the car, but learning the island as well.

My job is to find out-of-the-way places that may have gotten missed, so I take all sorts of roads that I've never seen before... I dead end at the water all the time, and see some pretty great stuff.

Such as.... these mangroves at the Careenage Point, a National Maritime Sanctuary.

I also just happen to see stuff that I can't help but stop and photograph, like this fella fighting a huge tarpon off of the iron shore just up from Hog Sty Bay:

He eventually landed it, and I eventually fell down on the rocks. Nice.

Anyway, about Bulla. Bulla are these lovely little desserts made by the Caribbean Bakery. They're kind of like a cross between a cookie and a cupcake, and I eat them by the bag.

There are two types - light and dark. The one above is a Light Bulla.

The dark was our initial fave, and is flavored with molasses. We tried the light just the other day, and have eaten about 87 of them since. The light Bulla is flavored with nutmeg and almond extract, and I think "light" refers only to it's color, and not the caloric content.

Here's something funny : "Bulla" is also the latin word for "Blister."

People who know me well know exactly what's coming next....

I get blisters. Bad.

Whenever it's hot, or whenever I have to wear shoes, or just whenever, I develop large, painful blisters all over my feet. The friction of walking causes them to rise, and then makes walking incredibly slow and painful. Every vacation, every trip to camp, every everything.... I always get blisters and it makes me borderline suicidal.

WELL, after spending the last 6 months shoe-less and blister-free, I've enjoyed a reprieve from blisters. I thought, stupidly, that perhaps they were gone for good.

Then I came here. Then I put shoes on. Then I got a whole gang of these on my feet:

I know, I'm sorry... I should have posted a warning:

"Warning. If you'd like to keep your McGriddle down, read this post later, or not at all.... Check back in a few days when I'll be talking about chickens or palm trees or something."

Well, I love you too much not to give you the truth. Plus I like to use the macro setting on my camera.

Anyway, I'll be at the wedding of my incredible friend, Dr. Bryan Hughes, this weekend, and soon I'll have some wild tales of us trying to ride a llama or something after the reception.

Cheers.

Working Girl... I MEAN MAN!!! WORKING MAN!!!!!

2007-10-25T18:29:00.001-07:00

The answer I gave so many times to the question "Why the Cayman Islands?" was: "To simplify our lives."

See how simple mine is after a couple of days back at work?

The headhunter that got me my work permit apparently reads the blog, because they knew exactly how broke I am. So, while they beg and plead with the banks down here to let me sweep the floors or carry boxes or whatever, they found me a short assignment with Caribbean Publishing.

I (for the next 2 weeks) am a Quality Control Manager, monitoring the nationwide distribution of the Cayman Islands Yellow Pages. I drive all over the island making sure everyone is getting their books, and am getting a fabulous tan while doing so. The tan is only on my right arm, but still....

Today I decided that it was time to call a Noon Business Meeting in my luxurious office at #1 Toyota Corsa Plaza, Executive Suite A. I'm a Manager, after all... that's what managers do, right? Call meetings?

WELL, only one soul showed up:

If the embedded video doesn't play, go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5B_PBpGNqc

...to see it.

I decided to make the best of it, so we shared my peanut butter sandwich and I talked to him like I used to hear the managers at Chrysler Financial talk:

"Yeah, I'm going to need you to be a team player and really buy in to our variable responsibility model, here.... y'know, we really need you to give a 110% to this. Our chain's only as strong as it's weakest link, and frankly we need you to be a leader-breeder... We need to stick to our core values, too. There's no 'I' in team, you know - but there is in 'win.'"

Then some fat kid from a cruise ship dumped out some french fries across the parking lot, and he ran away.

"YOU COCK!!!!" I called after him. "YOU'LL BE BACK!!!!!!"

So hard to find good help these days. I was building up to a "Eagles vs. Turkeys" analogy that I thought he would particularly appreciate, but I'm glad I didn't waste it on him. He just wasn't willing to sacrifice.

You can see in the video that I had dessert warming up on the dashboard...

His loss.

Gastrofarians

2007-10-24T19:34:00.000-07:00

The largest ex-pat community here in the Cayman Islands is definitely that of Jamaica.

Jamaica is our closest culturally-similar neighbor, and we love exploring their culinary influence on Cayman.

(Cuba is about the same distance away geographically, but not as close.. uh.. philisophically... you know, with the whole Communism thing. There is a Cuban community here, but we have not been lucky enough to spend time with any of them.
In talking with those in Cayman that have visited Cuba, we've found most are old men who visited the island while on a ship, and most of their stories discuss what women will do for a candy bar or a US $20. I'm pretty sure that there's more to Cuba than that. Cayman Airways has weekly flights to La Habana, and we're anxious to visit. Although, with our luck, we'll be there on the weekend when Castro dies and it'll be like the chaotic scenes in Godfather II, except without the private plane.)

Anyway, back to the Jamaica stuff... The pumpkin we roasted the other night was of the Jamaican variety. Here's what it looks like:

Gorgoeous, right? Here's what it looks like when it's roasted with sweet yellow onions and fresh, local thyme:

Num Nums.... we eat it with Jamaican rice & peas and baked tofu. Rice & peas is the traditional, staple side dish in Jamaica, consisting of rice made with coconut milk and red kidney beans with spices and herbs and goodness. It's counter-intuitive to eat all of this hot, savory food when it's so hot outside, but it's what everyone else does, soooo.......

Another Jamaican delight is "Festival." Festival are like little Jamaican beignets, and are made with both corn and wheat flour. They can be eaten plain as a side dish for saltfish or jerk chicken, or as a dessert with cinnamon and sugar. That's how we made them last night:

Festival got their name from the fisherman who ate them on the beach in Jamaica, noting that "Festival nice, just like festival."

So awesome, right? Any fried dough just has to be...

Caribbean cuisine is spicy, and heat is usually added with fresh "seasoning peppers" like the ones I pictured from the farmer's market. You add them to the pot whole, and pick them out before serving whatever you cooked. This technique adds a subtle heat to a dish without being too uneven or intense.

If you'd like to add heat that is in no way subtle, you reach for Lasco.

Lasco is the favorite hot sauce of Jamaica, and consists almost entirely of crushed Scotch Bonnet peppers. A Scotch Bonnet is the same pepper that is called Habañero throughout Latin America. It's hot like crazy, and I love it... I even splashed some on Soy Ice Cream the other night. That's actually not something that Jamaicans do....

....and what do you drink when you've gotten a little too liberal with the Lasco?

Ewwwwww Yeah-Yuh, Red Stripe.

Red Stripe is a Lager beer brewed in Jamaica. That alone would make me like Red Stripe even if it weren't so darn tasty.

Lager is pretty heavy for drinking in the heat, but it's worth noting that Red Stripe is second in sales in Jamaica... BEHIND GUINNESS!!!!! I'm pretty sure it's not the Irish Ex-Pat population inflating that number.... anyway, Jamaicans will also mix Red Bull energy drink with Guinness, which makes it less thick but more disgusting.

I think I'll stick with the Pumpkin and Doughnuts for now....

Everybody's Workin' for the Weekend. Everyone with Jobs, anyway.

2007-10-21T19:57:00.000-07:00

The last time I saw that much hair it was selling me a falafel sandwich.

Aaahhhhh.... what a weekend.

I'm not sure why the last two days felt so good. I've spent the last 100-some NOT working. The house still hasn't sold. I'm still flat broke and a haircut was the most stressful thing I've done in the last X-teen weeks.... for some reason, though, this weekend was really terrific.

It started stressfully enough, though. The electricity required to run the A/C enough to maintian the 80 degrees at which we were setting it made our electric bill $250 US. SO, now we just open the windows and accept that we'll never be dry. Or comfortable.

Anyway, it occurred to me that the large screens were easy to raise form the outside, and ever since I've worried about an intruder taking what little I have here.

WELL, the intruder finally came Friday night.

A few minutes before 5, I was jarred from my moist, uncomfortable sleep by a massive crash outside the bedroom. I was up in a flash, bellowing "KRISTI, THERE'S SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE!!!!!"

I ran out the bedroom door, fist balled tightly, ready to crush the skull of whatever soon-to-be-dead burglar I encountered. I wasn't completely awake, but was able to cobble together a rapid-fire run-on of alternating threats and curses, all of which were delivered at a volume that Literally made me see stars when it was all over.

The living room was clear. I took a cleansing breath, preparing to steer the Kill-Train for the front porch when I heard Kristi say "Uh, Zach, that was the shower curtain rod falling down again."

I walked back into the bedroom, red-faced and panting, fists still clenched..... Kristi saw me standing there in my undies, the look of murderous rage fading quickly into embarassed confusion, and started laughing at me.

I had just thrown myself into the den of whatever machete-wielding gang was trying to get at her, without a weapon or even PJ's, and she was laughing at me.

Well, I guess I'll think twice before defending her from Gangstas or Shower Curtain Rods EVER AGAIN!!!!!

Anyway, we went grocery shopping, and then spent the rest of the day on the beach. We did some cooking and got to bed a little earlier than usual... We never got back to sleep after my display of simian aggression, so we were "Plum Tuckered" by 9pm.

We arose early again this morning, only on purpose this time. We headed down past Georgetown to Sunset House, which is a hotel and bar right on the edge of the water.

Sunset House is a favorite of divers, as it has it's own dive shop and has instant access to deep water with great structure right down a ladder behind the bar. We were just snorkeling today, but had incredible luck in seeing all sorts of great stuff. We saw a school of Caribbean Reef Squid, which are normally very shy and rarely in so close to land. (The underwater pics aren't mine. Once the house sells I might look into some underwater gear, but until then all I can afford to do underwater is hold my breath.)

We also saw a very small, beautiful, rare Juvenile Queen Angelfish. Here's a macro shot of the what the little guy looks like:

A jewel, right?

Kristi swims at Sunset House regularly with her "healthy friends." She always lets me sleep in on mornings when she meets with them. I think it's because once I interrupted some boring marathon story with something like "I ate a whole can of frosting last night."

Kristi always comments on how many Butterfly Fish she sees there, especially those in pairs. Some types of Butterfly Fish mate for life, and if one dies, the other starves itself to death. No frosting, nothing... just dies. It's always a big deal when we see a pair of Butterfly Fish swimming... big "AWWWWWWW-Factor."

We saw so many Butterflies today that we quit pointing them out to each other. I felt really strange... almost like getting so tired of picking up dollar bills you just stop picking them up.... Anywhere else we might see one pair on a good snorkeling session... but they were everywhere here.

We saw other great stuff, too... Stingrays, a Peacock Flounder, some huge Grey Snappers, and did I mention just a GANG of Butterfly Fish!?!?!?!

The rest of the day was spent reading and relaxing on the beach, and we roasted a local pumpkin for dinner. I'll post pics and a recipe tomorrow.

Anyway, check your shower curtain rod before going to bed... I know some of you have pistols at home, and I'd hate for you to get keyed-up from this semi-amusing tale and shoot the dishwashing machine or something.

TA!

Brother Lucky Dube, Rest in Peace

2007-10-19T11:24:00.000-07:00

The pure voice of Lucky Dube, the South African reggae singer, was silenced last night in more senseless violence.

I was saving this clip for a post on Reggae Covers of american hit songs, but I'll post it now for you to enjoy.

As he now trods Mt. Zion, he finally knows what love it.

Here's the report from the Belfast Telegraph:

Reggae star Lucky Dube shot dead in Johannesburg

Friday, October 19, 2007

The South African reggae legend Lucky Dube has been shot and killed during an apparent car-jacking in his homeland.
The 43-year-old was shot in front of his son last night while he was dropping him off in the Rosettenville suburb of Johannesburg.

Dube recorded more than 20 albums in a career spanning more than two decades and was South Africa's biggest selling reggae artist.

His killing has focused fresh attention on the country's crime rates, with an average of 50 murders recorded every day.

I am not Dry in this Heat.

2007-10-17T18:26:00.000-07:00

During the last 5-or-so months of living like a hobo, I stopped cutting my hair.

My cousin Andrew and I made a Bother-Mothers Pact to NOT cut our hair for as long as we could stand it.

I arrived in Cayman on Monday and met with my new Employers early the next day. The wind and heat did not improve the coif, and so I arrived looking like a damned Orangutan. I also sweat through my shirt whilst still buttoning it up. I know; Ew.

Without a Mother here fussing over it, it stopped being funny, so now it looks like this :

Brother Annow Wins.

Oh, yes, there's been fresh fruit and swimming and beach walks and holding hands and all that crap, too, but I'm trying to stick to just the important stuff.

More to come. Ta!

This made me feel better....

2007-10-13T13:31:00.000-07:00

My cousin Andrew, one of the 4 people who read this, sent this to me upon hearing of my troubles with the lawn mower.

Andrew, along with a few others, has seen me react poorly in the face of adversity.

If the cause of my problem is small, or if there is something small in the general area in which I'm experiencing frustration, I throw it. Most often, I throw it AT something else.

If the cause of my trouble is too large to throw, I stomp on it. My favorite way to stomp is a high-jump-flying-double-stomp-with-scream.

Someday, when stomping is given Olympic Status, not even the mean Russian judge will be avle to give my high-jump-flying-double-stomp-with-scream any less than a perfect 10. I'm that good. I'm like Mike Tyson and Mary Lou Retton had a kid born for nothing more than stomping. HARD!!!

Though my first instincts were to give my newly-broken mower the boot treatment, I was able to resist. Just barely.

This vid makes me happy I did.... Scot and Marla might be posting it on collegehumor.com as we speak.

Feeling Knotty....

2007-10-13T12:06:00.000-07:00

"I'm sorry, Mr. Griffith, my supervisor is at Lunch. All Day."

That wasn't funny. I'm pretty exhausted, so you'll have to forgive the even-lamer-than-usual jokes that are coming up.

Tying up all of the loose ends that remain is the basis for the titular lame joke. Weather, Hours of Operation, Customer Service Reps at Utility Companies, Lawn Mowers, and Carmax are all doing their best to send me over the edge.

I leave Monday morning for Cayman. We bought the ticket on Thursday after getting the news on Tuesday, and I've been FREAKING OUT every day since.

I've been chipping away at my three-page-list since, and the easiest things have proven to be the most challening. The pull-starter came out of the mower halfway through the job, so I had to use my neighbor's mower without permission. The Post Office closed ten minutes early today, so I couldn't change addresses or get Kristi's passport renewal docs. Carmax just took two Elements in, so they could only offer me '86 Pinto money for my gorgeous 2005 Honda (see Craigslist for details on just HOW gorgeous....)

Lots of little losing battles have made the voices in my head Angry about this War.

...and now it's raining Cats and Dogs outside, destroying any chance of my "To Do" list getting "To Done" today.

I've been away from my wife for the better part of almost 6 months. I get to see her in 2 days. My elation at this fact comes and goes in short burts in between the machine-gun spray of To Do List disappointments, and this is what bugs me the most. Grrrrr...

My scowl was just momentarily erased. In my haste, I referred to the elation coming in "shorts bursts" instead of the intended "short bursts." Remember, no matter how bad things get, we can always laugh at pee jokes.

I have gotten to spend some marvelous time with some marvelous people, though, and that has also helped my mood.

I'll be back in 2 weeks for the wedding of Dr. Bryan Hughes, and I keep telling myself that I'll fix all of this garbage then.

We'll see.

I'll be scrambling around tomorrow and flying on Monday.... My next post will be from Cayman, and I promise I won't still be bitching about Verizon witholding the Unlock Codes for my Treo. I hope.

Finally.

2007-10-09T21:27:00.000-07:00

WELL.... I got the email.

Work Permit Approved.

Training on how to hide money begins on Tuesday of next week. Yeah, I know...

SO, I have to sell the car, get my crap out of Laura's house, and sneak more stuff into my Parents' basement while they're out running errands.

I've been away from Kristi for the last 5 months, excepting of course the four-weeks-in-three-visits we've spent together. Almost half a year apart has SUCKED, and I'm happy to see it come to a close.

I'm worried that my Eggo-eating, Beer-Drinking, and Pants-NOT-Wearing habits are going to be "up for discussion," but at this point, I'm alright with it.

SO, Sunnier Blog Posts ahead.

TA!

Di Singjay Dem...

2007-10-08T15:58:00.001-07:00

Greetings and Love....

I've polished off all of the rolls that Grandma sent home with me, and it's time to start talking about Reggae Music again....

The Singjay is a type of hybridized Reggae vocalist. The genre is named for their unique style, part singer and part DJ.

Combining elements of the raspy "chat" we discussed earlier with traditional Roots-style sung vocals, Singjays cover a very broad range of musical territory.

Singjays are usually very conscious, singing of equal rights and justice, ganja, love, as well as praise to Haile Selassie. (More on Rastafarianism later.)

Though they reference a lot of the same topics as Roots and Kulcha singers do, Singjays often take a more militant stance in their music. For instance, instead of urging the listener to resist the fruits of Babylon, a Singjay would call for the active participation of the listener in the destruction of Babylon.

Controversial statements regarding homosexuality have made many Singjays popular targets for GLAAD and similar groups. Though coarse, I still find their stance to be significantly less offensive than those made every day by the Falwells, Hannitys, and Limbaughs who hatred enjoys mainstream media coverage.

This is perhaps the only smudge on the genre's brilliance, but also seems to be the only fact reported by American music critics. Focusing so feverishly on such a tiny, tiny detail within the genre is wholly unfair. American hip hop artists use of much worse and more ferquest epithets is rarely mentioned by the same critics.

Anyway, allow me to step off of the soap box and onto the toes of the brilliant artists who I'll accidentally omit from the following list:

Some of my favorites include Sizzla Kalonji, Capleton, Buju Banton, Chuck Fenda, Turbulence, and many others.

Here are some video clips that I feel will help understand the genre:

Here's Capleton performing his huge hit "Jah Jah City." The video is admittedly a little silly, but it's a good example of the genre. Listen for very melodic singing and for the throaty chat. Singjays will often use very different vocal textures for different sections within a song. There is plenty of that technique here.

Marvelous, right?

Another of our favorites is Sizzla, who has released more than 40 albums... and he's only like 30 years old....

This is his live performance at the VO 25th Anniversary concert in Miami (the same one at which Elephant Man danced with the little girl - posted below.... scroll on down....)

Sizzla makes crowds go insane... I'm both eager and terrified to see him perform.

Here's another Sizzla clip in which he takes a little more delicate approach to the song. "Thank U Mama" was a big hit in Jamaica, and the video has some of the best production I've seen come from the Jamaican scene...

So sweet... I always check priceline for trips to Jamaica after watching that video.... I want to take a bath by the road... I want to ride the bus with a drum... I want to dance around in a rushing river..... but instead I make some Eggos and pout.

One more? Oh, alright...

Chuck Fenda's "I Swear" was a huge hit on the "5th Element" riddim. This song features both melodic singing and rough chat, so it's a good representation of Singjay vocal performance.

Alright, that's enough for today.

My work permit had better come through soon.... I'm running out of Reggae to blather on and one about....

BLESS UP!!!

Un Descansito from Reggae...

2007-10-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

Are you getting sick of Reggae Stuff yet?

Laura and I took the drive out to Louisiana, Mo, this weekend to visit Grandma Mary Ellen. It was a marvelous time, and we were incredibly sad to leave. Grandma's cooking and conversation were absolute perfection.

She sent us home with homemade cherry pie and her incredible dinner rolls, which I did my best to finish before we arrived home.

We attended Sunday services at Calument Presbyterian Church, which celebrated it's One-Hundred-and-Fiftieth Anniversary a couple of weeks ago.

Some of the founding members were Griffiths, which got me excited about geneology... I wonder what the Georgetown library in Cayman will have in the way of birth records from Eastern Missouri?

It was while on the road to Louisiana that Laura asked if I was done with the (insert overly dramatic yawn here) Reggae posts.

I informed her that while I am NOT done with the Reggae posts, I AM done NOT peeing in the sink at her house.... so there.

I bought some nightcrawlers at the vend-a-bait machine outside a Vandalia gas station, which are currently night-crawling around under the seat of her car. I can't wait for her to meet her new friends on the way to work tomorrow.

Anyway, I should get word on my Work Permit by mid-week, and the posts will be much sunnier from there on. Approved or Denied, I'm going straight to Cayman once I hear from them. I'm not sure they're hip to the plan, but they'll be my host whether I'm working with a permit or drinking rum as a "legal dependant." I'm fine either way...

Triple. Dog. Dare.

I mean it, I'm good at sitting down, and I'm good at drinking rum. I've practiced.

**note** - If any of the fine members of the Cayman Work Permit Board read this, it's just another lame stab at "humor," or "humour" as you guys spell it.... I meant all that stuff in my application about culture and eagerness... I'd also like to do some volunteering... Uh, yeah... I'll do that.... No problem, I'm Great with children.

....and here's a picture of a stuffed pig that my Uncle Eddie got in Korea....

See? Hilarious... children love this stuff.

SO, just approve me. I'll be happy, Kristi will be happy, Laura will be happy to regain control of her guest room... plus my work ethic is downright FEVERISH by Caribbean standards....

C'mon. Please.

Anyway, here's something else:

Kristi has an incredible friend from Ireland named Leah Bryans. Leah has a neighbor back home named Caiomhe, which is pronounced "Kee-VA." (You know, in Gaelic... like how 'Siobahn' is pronounced "Shavon" and 'Dublin' is pronounced "Gypsies Stole My Digital Camera.")

Leah sent this picture of Caiomhe to us, and we are in agreement that it is possibly the greatest picture on Earth.

...and with that, I'll leave you...

More on Reggae, nightcrawlers, and Ben 'n Jerry's Cinnamon Bun Ice Cream later...

Hot Shottaz....

2007-10-03T18:57:00.000-07:00

Modern Dancehall is a very intricate, exciting genre that defies categorization. The easiest way to explain it to a non-listener would be as the "Hip Hop" of Jamaica.

Dancehall retains the melodic, sing-song flow of it's roots, but the subject matter is decidedly more contemporary. While some artists still call out dance moves, most rely on the "Three G's" of dancehall for their lyrical content. Guns, Girls, and Ganja.

One refreshing difference between American Hip-Hop and Dancehall is the rarity of references to personal wealth. This is mostly because very few Danchehall D.J.s have earned anything close to what even modestly succesful rappers in America make. Though the money may not be there, I personally feel that the creative output of even modestly-succesful Dancehall D.J.s eclipses even the most succesful American Rappers. Hard.

The output of the Dancehall scene is in staggering contrast to that of the American scene. Few D.J.s release full albums, relying instead on constant streams of singles, usually on 7" vinyl. Some release almost 75-100 per year.....

Imagine if Kanye West released song every 3 days... Maybe that's a bad example... he talks about himself enough, I think.

Anyway, I'll post some clips to avoid getting into capillary-like minutiae that no one cares about except me.

Here's Bounty Killer, a.k.a. The Warlord, on his incredible track "Sufferah." This Concious track is a bit of a departure from his normal "Three G's" material. You may recognize BK's powerful baritone from the American Hit by No Doubt, "Hey Baby." He was the guest artist towards the end of the track.

One D.J. that still calls out dance moves is the Energy God "Elephant Man." Kristi and I have seen Ele live, and it truly wears you out - even if you're not dancing along. Frenetic tempos, machine-gun-blast vocal delivery, and a very enthusiastic crowd make it an intense and incredible experience.... especially when you're the only two white folks in the room.

"Pon di River" was a huge hit AND dance move in Jamaica. Here's Ele in Miami at the VP Records 25th Anniversary show:

You saw the crowd, right? Imagine Kristi and I cowering in the back....

Our favorite D.J. has to by the incredible slack genius, Vybz Kartel. His dense vocal texture, wicked wordplay, and unbelievable versatility make him impossible not to admire. His subject matter is occasionally a little much for our delicate ears, but his genius cannot be denied.... He's like Michael Jackson in Jamaica, without the... uh, you know... pedophilia.

Anyway, since he's our fave deejay, he gets two clips. First, the toungue-twisting "Gun Session."

..and his smash hit "Emergency," which decries the Governmental Corruption and Violence in Kingston.

This a very Michael Jackson-like mini-movie-style video, but was WAY cutting edge for Dancehall.

One not-too-subtle stab at the Jamaican Governmental Structure sponsorship of violence goes:

Mr. Bruce, Mr. P.G., this is just a couple questions from Addy the D.J.
Question : Kingston make no A.K.
Question : So how them come inna J.A.
Who own the Docks and the Airport, the Wharf and the Plane?

Obviosuly, I Americanized the prose, but you get the message.

Anyway, Dancehall isn't for everybody, but it sure is for me.... Nothing helps me rid myself of aggresion and hostility like pumping these increidlbe tracks. I'm still not tough, but it makes me feel better.

Alright, more Reggae coverage to come.... one my work permit comes I'll go back to taking pictures of Ghost Crabs and Fruit trees and you won't have to hear any more about my musical obsession.....

TA!

Oh yeah, and this....

2007-10-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

I know it has nothing to do with car registration, Eggo Waffles, or reggae music, but this was just too marvelous not to share:

Harold Lloyd o' London Hayes in a rare, live performance from his kitchen in Rolla, Mo.

D.J. inna di Dancehall....

2007-10-01T10:47:00.000-07:00

I'm Zafari, strong as can be, and I update my blog with regularity.

Ann and David will get that one.

Anyway, the new car tags for which I registered have not yet arrived, so I guess I'm Legally not supposed to be driving my car right now. It did kind of irk me that I had to pay $25 bucks to buy a one-year tag for a car that I will be using for about one week, give or take.... but I can't sell it with an expired tag, so I had no choice.

SO, I'm stuck at Laura's house, waiting for the mail to bring me two small "keep me out of jail" stickers, and decided not to make you wait a full week to roll your eyes at my un-funny jokes.

Brace yourselves.... more reggae stuff coming up.

The role that Soundsystem Yard Parties (discussed a couple of posts ago) played in the evolution of different Reggae Styles cannot be overstated. Rainy tropical weather put out many "backayard fyah" and so Soundsystem operators began taking their operations indoors.

The formation of these Dancehalls spawned a completely new reggae sub-genre that was named for the place where it was played - Dancehall.

The term "D.J." (or "deejay") in Jamaica refers to a vocalist that sings or rhymes over a track. What Americans call D.J.s are referred to as "Selectors," (pron. 'Selectas') because they select the tunes over which the D.J. will rhyme, or as they say, "chat."
At first, D.J. chat was limited to announcing song titles and calling out dance moves. This evolved into singing alog with tracks and eventually performing over instrumental tracks, creating original songs on-the-spot.

The "chat" still had a very melodious flow, but was not true singing. Here's a short clip of early Dancehall artist "Nicodemus" chatting at a Soundsystem Yard Party.

Dancehall Deejays were "chatting" over bass-and-drum heavy tracks in the mid-70's, long before the "invention" of hip-hop in New York City.

Upon analyzing the geneology of hip-hop, a very clear line can be traced from Kingston to the Jamaican Immigrant neighborhoods in NYC to Harlem street parties in which young men started chatting, or as they called it, "rapping" over bass-and-drum heavy instrumental tracks. Late-70's Dancehall sounds almost identical to early hip-hop, the only real difference being vocabulary and accent.

Here are some clips of artists that were crucial to the emergence of Dancehall reggae:

The famous, albino Dancehall D.J. "Yellowman" performing at Reggae Sunsplash in 1982:

- a quick aside - After spending 3-4 nights per week for the last 4 years playing in bars, witnessing countless fights and a couple all-out brawls, I never so much as bumped another man in a bar. We've dealt with all kinds of drunken shitheads, but I'm just not wired for physical violence.

The closest my streak ever came to being broken was at the King Yellowman show at the Grand Emporium a couple of years ago. I held up an extremely rare "Yellowman and Fathead" LP for Yellow to sign, which he did after showing it to all of the members of his band. He later told me that even he didn't have his own copy of that album.

After signing it, he held it out to me, and before I could reach it, this Bumbaclot Jamaican snatched it from his hand. I reacted poorly, but effectively, grabbing him by the front of his jacket and holding my fist to his face - 50's comic book style. (See? Not a fighter, no no.)

After demading the return of my album in no uncertain terms, he reluctantly capitulated, though I think it was due more to my rabid frothing than my intimidating physique. Either way, the album was safe and Kristi had, if possible, even less respect for me than ever before....

Anyway, here's Super Cat, an artist at who's concert I have not embarassed myself. Yet.

...and finally, Dancehall Singer "Barrington Levy," known as the "Mellow Canary" for his laid back style and the soaring putiry of his upper vocal range.

Marvelous, huh?

Modern Dancehall has followed an evolutionary arc similar to that of Modern Hip-Hop, retaining it's melodious, sing-song sound. I'll have a full post for you this week on Modern Dancehall.

Until then, picture me looking really tough in a room full of dancing Jamaicans....

Pronounced "Kulcha...."

2007-09-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes... I know it's been a while, especially considering that the only two items on my schedule are: (in no particular order)

- Waiting for my Work Permit to be Approved

and

- Waiting for the Sweet Release of Death.

I've been trying to keep busy by drinking until I forget to kill myself. And napping. And doing my best to polish off the 60 pack of Eggo Waffles that my mom bought at Costco to stifle my sister's complaints that I'm "eating all of her food."

Well, the joke is on her, because I'm using her syrup.

Anyway, here we go.

Culture. Culture is the contemporary equivalent of the "Roots Reggae" we discussed earlier. The terms are used interchangeably, which is accurate and accepted. Modern Culture music is the logical extension of the movement with which Bob Marley was associated so many years ago.

Culture is melodic music, usually played at a relaxed tempo. The syncopated rhythms and bubbling bass lines make as danceable as it is "head-nod-able..."

The lyrical focus is very positive, focusing on Rastafarianism, Cleanliness, Civil Rights, Love, Ganja, and Peace. (More on rastafarianism later...) Culture's sound has changed very little since Marley's heyday. Updates have been limited almost exclusively to technological advances in instruments and recording techniques. Form and Content have stayed very constant, and the genre has remained very pure. The lack of real commerical success outside of the Caribbean has been the principal factor in this, and believe it has most certainly benefitted the genre.

There are incredibly gifted musicians in the Culture scene now, including Richie Spice, Jah Cure, Marlon Asher, and Tarrus Riley... there are dozens more, of course, but I don't want to look like I'm showing off by rattling down a list of fifty guys you'll never hear about ever again.

SO, I'm eating all of Laura's syrup and butter, and here are some video clips of these artists to give you a feel for the soul and sound of "Culture Reggae."

Here's Tarrus Riley's video for the Smash Hit "She's Royal" which has become the summer anthem for girls all over the Caribbean (including Kristi, who honks the horn and sings loudly whenever this track gets played in Cayman....)

Incredible, right?

Here's one of our favorites, Richie Spice, performing the amazing "Earth A Run Red," which was one of the biggest reggae tunes of 2005.

....and finally, Jah Cure's "Longing For," a HUGE hit on the "Drop Leaf" riddim.

Alright, that's probably enough for now.... Stay tuned for more on riddims, Singjays, Dancehall, Rastafarianism, and me falling down the stairs.

Know Yuh History

2007-09-20T14:09:00.000-07:00

Reggae Music is much more than Bob Marley and Marijuana. Reggae has a very intricate history, rich with cultural influences from all over the world. I'll give a brief, very abridged history:

In the 1950’s, Jamaica was pumping the sounds of American R’n’B music. On clear nights, Jamaican radio towers could pick up the signals coming from New Orleans and Florida. The sounds of Doo-Wop, R&B, emerging Rock n' Roll, and Gospel influenced the traditional Calypso sound, creating popular new sounds.

"Ska" was one of the first of these new styles. It maintained a quick tempo, and was unique for its syncopated up-beat played by the guitar. Prince Buster is considered the first to create this and play it for the masses with his sound system.

Here's a short clip of Jamaican Superstar Jimmy Cliff playing a soundsystem party in the heyday of Ska:

The "Sound System" is a portable sound system (usually on the backs of a truck) to play this music for block parties and outside gatherings. Because many Jamaicans did not have access to personal radios, these sound systems were the only way to hear new music, and thus became very significant social gatherings.

By the mid-60’s, a new form of music was evolving and taking over popularity in Jamaica called Rock Steady. With this style, the beat was slowed down and the emphasis was shifted to vocals. This slowed down tempo also left more room for the bass line to leave holes in its rhythm, as opposed to the walking lines heard in ska. This is the stage that Bob Marley and the Wailers first made an appearance, along with The Melodians, John Holt, The Heptones, and many others.

Here's an example of the Rocksteady sound: "Crying Over You" by the incredible Ken Boothe.

I know, I know.... by FAR the most exciting video clip ever.... I kind of like it, though. Anyway...

The 70’s saw the creation and international success of Roots Reggae. This is the sub-genre most often thought of when Reggae is mentioned. With this style, the tempo was slowed down even more, and the electric bass was lower and more prominent in the mix. Along with this change in musical approach was the increased intensity and depth of the lyrical content. Influenced by suffering, corrupt politicians and police, and the religion of Rastafari, the lyrics of Roots music ranged from powerful protest music to beautiful spiritual music. It had a passion that moved (and still moves) people around the globe.

Bob Marley is synonymous with Roots Reggae, so here's another Wailers clip: Africa Unite Live from Santa Barbara.

So, now you have an idea... I'm crazy for Reggae but am in no way an expert. There is still much studying, listening, and dancing left to do!

Stay tuned for more on modern Reggae, Rastafarianism, Dubplate Culture, and anything else I can get into while the stanking house is NOT selling...

The Heartbeat of a People....

2007-09-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

I've been completely obsessed with Reggae Music for years.

I first heard "Stir It Up" on a trip to Cayman in 1992.

Here's a clip of the Wailers playing it on the old BBC program "The Old Grey Whistle Test":

The beautiful simplicity and infectiously bouncing bass hypnotized me. Immediately upon our return to KC I bought Bob Marley and the Wailers' incredible "Babylon By Bus," which remains one of my very favorite albums to this day.

I followed that up with "Legend," "Catch a Fire," and several other Wailers recordings. I started buying albums by Peter Tosh and Bunny Wailer, who along with Marley founded the Wailers, and loved everything I heard.

I kept listening to Bob all through college (doesn't everyone?) Pretty much all of the Reggae that I heard was from the 70's, and it never occurred to me to check out new stuff.

I also got into collecting vinyl records in college, and read some articles about how all of the current Jamaican singles are (still to this day) pressed into 7" 45 rpm records and distributed for radio play. I thought it would be cool to try to find some when we were back in Cayman.

So, in 2002, we were down visiting for Thanksgiving, and I started looking for records.

I found a place called "Tha Flava," and its proprietor Chuck Taylor was very patient and helpful in educating me on all of the different styles and artists. I bought about 50 records on the first visit, and about 150 over the next two visits. Chuck would also email me mp3's of new artists to check out since Kansas City's reggae scene left a little to be desired.

A year later Hurricane Ivan flooded "Tha Flava" and prompted Chuck Taylor to move to New York City, and we've since lost contact with one another.

In my desperate search for new reggae records, I found an online store called "Ernie B's Reggae," (ebreggae.com). A very user-friendly menu and incredibly low prices made this my new favorite website, and I spent what now seems like way too much money there... However, they'd get the very latest stuff right form Jamaica, so I was hearing exactly what was burning up Jamaican Dancehalls. Best Buy's "World Music" section really couldn't compete, you know?

I can neither confirm nor deny Limewire's replacement of Ernie B's as my primary source of new Reggae music.... anyway....

I'll profile some of the different genres and styles of Reggae Music, along with supplemental information that will hopefully enhance understanding and enjoying the music I've come to love (and obsess, as you'll soon see) about.

Blessings....

..and P.S.

2007-09-15T14:04:00.000-07:00

Today is our 6th wedding anniversary, which somehow makes me even Less happy to be camping out in Blue Springs....

Kristi's parents are visiting her down in Cayman, so they're celebrating with dinner at The Lighthouse at Breakers, the greatest restaurant on the planet.

I'm celebrating with D'Bronx, the greatest pizza on the planet... though the setting may not be quite as spectacular....

And Now for Something Completely Different.....

2007-09-15T08:14:00.001-07:00

Cheers to the Monty Python fans who picked that one up....

Anyway, this gorgeous gem is a "Keith Mango," and was the final mango of 2007 for me...

Zelma Lee, our friend and matriarch of Whistling Duck farms on North Side, has set aside a few for Kristi as they ripen.

Zelma Lee explained the old technique that farmers use for surviving late-season storms: When a big storm threatens to prematurely end the growing season of any of their staple crops, the entire farm staff flies into action. They pick anything that looks like it would ripen within the next 2-3 weeks, and store it inside in baskets. Much will skip "ripe" and move directly to "rotten," but some will riped almost as nicely as if they were left in the field.

In this case, it was mangoes. Several late-season mangoes, like the Keith, were just approaching readiness as Hurricane Dean set it's eye on a path toward the Cayman Islands. Though Dean cut south at the last second, North Side and East End dealt with very high winds and rough sea, the salty spray from which settles on and kills foliage.

The very very few remaining mangoes are in extremely high demand, and the incredible Zelma Lee has set several aside for Kristi.

The Keith is sweet and firm, with very little fiber... it has a round, honey-sweet flavor, and will keep me dreaming of mangoes until next April.

Since I've been hiding out at my sister's house in Blue Springs, I've found very little on which to report. Cinnamon Bread? Sonic Drinks? Court TV? I doubt my accounts of these staples of my daily routine would be inspirational enough to bookmark....

BUT, Kristi, while listening to me scream about some awesome new Reggae track I found, suggested that I write about Reggae music. It's from the Caribbean, so it would keep with the theme we've developed here.... probably more than the Waffle House pictures, even.....

SO, stay tuned for several posts about Reggae Music and Culture.... that's the "Completely Different" "Something" to which the title of the posts refers.... Me droning on and on about mangoes is decidedly 'NOT' different....

I promise the Reggae Stuff will be more entertaining and informative than tales of my daily Route 44 drink concoction. (Any other Vanilla-Diet-Grape-Coke-with-four-limes-and-four-cherries fans out there???? HOLLA!!!)

Vacancy....

2007-09-05T19:26:00.000-07:00

Well, shucks.... I am excrutiatingly UN-occupied these days, and trying to come up with stuff to do is giving me Brain Bubbles.

I had my Doctors Visit today. It went well, if "well" entails getting both Urine and Blood on yourself.

The Caymanian Work Permit requires a Chest Xray, Urinalysis, VDRL, and HIV tests. They don't ask if I've ever killed anyone or if I've ever burned down a building, which are definitely things that I would ask if I was letting someone work in my country. No, no, they just want to know if I smoke or carry diseases. Well, their decision, they can deal with the consequences.

***NOTE - If anyone from the Caymanian Work Permit Board is among the 6 or 7 people that ever see this, that last paragraph was my sad attempt at "humor." I haven't killed anyone or burned down a building, but I'll do both if you deny me. HARD!!!

Anyway, to prevent any mixup with the, um... specimen, I was instructed to write my name on the side of the plastic cup. They should have specified the order in which the writing and peeing should occur, especially since the cups don't have lids.

The bleeding was my fault... I ripped the cotton ball off early, so we'll call it even.... I guess.

My incredible friend, Dr. Bryan Hughes, was extremely helpful and made me feel like a princess. I MEAN PRINCE!!! A PRINCE!!!!

So, the test results should be in and the work permit should be mailed off by the weekend.... That will make me happy.

Other exciting points this week were:

Getting a Ten O'Clock Waffle from Waffle House on Sunday night with sister Carly and her friend, Alexandra.

Lunch at Bua Thai with Ben Hooper, another incredible friend who peer pressures me into ordering my Garlic Pepper Tofu "Thai Hot." I cry like Nora watching the Hallmark Hall of Fame, but still can't stop myself from ordering.

The sweet Thai lady even sliced up a habanero from her garden for us to add to our meals. I can't tell if she did this because she likes us or hates us... either way, I thnk it's better that I ate it AFTER my tests were run...

Pricing dumpsters to clear a brush pile behind the house.

Yes, I know, my life is so exciting that no one even notices the fact that I'm not writing about Cayman or mangoes or the sea.... right.

Okay, enough. Check back soon updates on folding laundry, making peanut butter sandwiches, and Sonic drinks.

Kansas City, Misery

2007-08-30T16:50:00.001-07:00

Greetings, children.

I'm sad to report that I'm back in KC for a little while.

The house remains on the market.... there has been some interest, but mostly in telling us how nice it looks WITHOUT buying it.

I worked on the yard today, although it took significantly less time than I had budgeted because the lawn fairies had come over the weekend and mowed. Or maybe our incredible neighbor, Scot, did it... he's not copping to it, but the truth is that I stopped believing in lawn fairies YEARS ago.....

Highlights of today include:

- Accidentally setting fire to my mostly-dead lawn after carelessly flicking the ash of my gorgeous San Cristobal cigar (thanks, John! Delicious!)

- Spending ONE FULL HOUR at the Police Station waiting on my background check to come back. (Don't worry, it's for the Cayman work permit... I also have a requisite AIDS test to look forward to.... er, to which I'm looking forward.... uh, to which... Never mind, it makes me feel icky to dwell on any sentence that includes the phrase "MY AIDS TEST.")

- Watching the beautiful Monarch Butterflies cruise through our neighborhood on their exodus to Mexico for the winter. Who knew E. 61st Terrace was on the way?

Anyway, I'll warn you that the blog will descend for the next few weeks back into "Crap Zach is Doing While NOT IN CAYMAN."

I'm sorry in advance....

The Greatest

2007-08-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

AHHHHHhhhhhh..... Ramen.

We've all been there.... so don't wrinkle up your nose. Ramen was there for us in college when we didn't have any money and after college when we didn't have any money or when we just wanted something hot that could be purchased with whatever you find in the cushions of your couch....

Top Ramen.

My exposure to Ramen was different, and I'll share it with you now....

Actually, that sounds pompous... read below how I started eating Ramen, if it's different, great. If you came to love Ramen the same way I did, then my experience was NOT different, and we can chat about it some time... possibly over some Ramen.

Anyway, my Dad had a college suite-mate named Steve Pu. There were three "Steves" in that suite, so they called one another by their last names. My Dad was "Griffith," Steve Pu was "Pu," and whatever that other Steve's last name was... that's what they called him. Alright.

Pu's family was Chinese, and exposed Griffith, I mean DAD, to all sorts of new stuff he had never experienced growing up on a farm in Eastern Missouri. I don't mean just to obscure asian customs... I mean things like BROCCOLI... Huge culture shock, right?

Being in college and broke (the flashpoint for so many of our Ramen adventures), Pu taught my Dad about a type of Ramen-like noodle-soup packet called "Ichiban," which is Japanese for "The Greatest." Seriously... look it up.

Ichiban Noodles were special... I remember when I was little, in North Carolina, eating what Dad called "Ichiban Noodles" whenever Mom was out of town, or we got home late or something... Dad would make the noodles and tell us about his college days.

I loved Ichiban Noodles almost as I loved Pork Chops and Pie, which is REALLY saying something... especially in North Carolina.

We never had more than a couple packets of Ichiban Noodles (or "RAY-MEN" if you're in either of the Carolinas) in the cupboard, and I naturally assumed it was because they were an expensive delicacy only to be eaten on very, very special occasions.

Fast forward to 1996, my first year of college, and the first time I ever shopped for myself.

My freshman roommate, David Saxton, and I had gone to the Sunfresh in Westport (which, by the way, still scares me in broad daylight, so you can imagine how it felt to an 18 year old that's new in the city....) We were pushing our cart around, deciding what we'd get to supplement the horrible cafeteria food.

I decided it was a time for celebration. I was at college, "grown up," and wanted to celebrate my independence by buying myself something really special. (I was buying it with Dad's checkbook, but I still felt pretty independent.)

I knew what I wanted. Ichiban. The Greatest.

I started looking, first by the deli where they keep all of the imported and specialty foods. No luck. Then I looked on the end-caps, where the big displays advertised the most exciting stuff.... Still no luck.... David asked me what I was looking for, and so I told him.

He went "Yeah, Ramen. Right there..." and pointed to the bottom shelf, right next to the floor.

I smirked, looking down just to play along, preparing a soliloquy on how special Ichiban noodles are and how they'd NEVER be on the bottom sssshhhh......

There they were. Top Ramen. Thirteen cents a pack.

My entire childhood was a lie.

The room started to spin... I began coughing wildly... White flashes in front of my eyes.... I held on to my cart, but I was going down..... I collapsed with a sob, and then everything went dark.

David had to lift me into the cart, and I whimpered as he pushed me through the store to his car.

A few days later, when I came out from under my bed, I went back to Sunfresh and bought some Ramen. I made it and thought back all of the memories...

I decided I would love Ramen no matter what. Thirteen cents, three cents, no matter... to me they would always be "Ichiban." The Greatest.

I became a vegetarian in 1999, and so I had to give up the Chicken Flavored Ramen I'd grown up eating.

During his own stint as a vegetarian, my great friend, Bryan Hughes discovered that the "Oriental Flavor" was actually vegetarian.

On the weekend that he passed along this information I ate no less than two dozen packages of "Oriental" Ramen. I was back in.

I'd love to hear Your Top Ramen stories. Feel free to post them in the "comment" section of this blog.

I'm praying that someone else actually has a Ramen story, so I'll feel slightly less psychotic for going on like this....

Anyway, here's my favorite way to have Top Ramen:

Prepare your favorite Ramen Flavor according to the directions on the package.

Strain noodles from the vile "soup."

Top noodles with any or all of the following:
- thinly-sliced cabbage
- grated carrots
- julienne-cut celery or bell pepper
- baked tofu
- dry-roasted peanuts
- bean sprouts
- fresh cilantro
- one clove of minced garlic
- one scallion (sliced on the bias)
- a shot of soy sauce & a squirt of Sriracha (or your favorite hot sauce)

Serve hot and enjoy while thinking back to the times when everything was "Ichiban."

Polly wanna mango?

2007-08-26T16:09:00.000-07:00

Kristi has been getting me up early every day to go out and walk while she runs....

She claims it's something we "can do together," but about ten seconds after I lock the door, the "together" part is over. In a flash she's down the road to the beach while I'm still fiddling with my iPod.

I see her about 45 minutes later... she's sweaty and tells me about seeing marvelous things like hummingbirds or an Old Rasta fishing with a handline... I'm sweatiER, and tell her about how I got chased by a dog or fell down in front of the kids waiting for the bus, and that I will never, EVER get up a go walking again. Ever. No.

But the next morning I do get up, usually because I'm too tired to remember the lack of trees to climb when stray dogs are bearing down on you by the Oceanside Plantation Apartments.

I GUESS I'm happy that I wake up most mornings, but none have given the intese sense of satisfaction and luck I felt today.

Kristi circled back a little early so that we could walk together the rest of the way home... (I know, I know, I mention this only after I trash talk her intentions about getting me up..)

We heard some birds fussing in a tree, which is usual, but the way these birds were fussing was different... We searched the upper branches, finally catching a glimpse of two, yes TWO CAYMAN PARROTS!!!!!

Cayman Parrots are incredibly rare, and are almost NEVER seen in the wild and are NEVER EVER seen in West Bay. I didn't have my camera with me, but found some pics of the birds online. Here's some Cayman Parrot info:

About 2,000 parrots inhabit Grand Cayman, while the quieter, smaller Cayman Brac Parrot maintains a stable population of about 400. Nesting in tree holes in old-growth forests, the colourful parrots depend on undisturbed woodlands and black mangrove forests for survival.

The Cayman Islands parrots are two sub-species of the Cuban Parrot (Amazona Leucocephala).

Cayman's parrots have iridescent green feathers with darker edges over the body, a white eye ring, red cheeks, black ear patches and brilliant blue wing feathers which are only obvious when the bird is in flight. The tail has blue outer edges, with some red and yellowish-green underneath.

The Grand Cayman Parrot (Amazona leucocephala caymanensis) also has a pink flush to its whitish forehead.

The Cayman Brac Parrot (Amazona leucocephala hesterna) is slightly smaller, with more black trim on its green feathers. The crown is pure white, and there is a large maroon area on the abdomen. It is now found only on Cayman Brac. Although it used to inhabit Little Cayman, it was apparently wiped out from there by the 1932 hurricane.

Historically parrots were common family pets. Today, however, it is illegal to take a parrot from the wild and keep it as a pet.

Illegal, yes, but you can go to the Humane Society and legally adopt the parrots that have been confiscated from people who have them as pets, because having them as pets is illegal.... Yeah, I know.

Anyway, I have been chased by dogs in Kansas City, but have never glanced up to see parrots fussing in a tree....

I care too much about the 4 or 5 people that may actually read this to make a "We're not in Kansas (City) anymore..." joke.

Tomorrow is the Ramen Post. Get Ready.....

***Out of the tremendous respect I have for Mr. Moriyama, I'll go ahead and admit that the evil looking dog above is actually a famous photo from the Museum of Modern Art, and not one of the actual dogs that waits for me to plod down North West Point Road each morning...***

That's just beautiful.... Uh... What is it?

2007-08-25T09:29:00.000-07:00

First off: I'm sorry it's been so long since I wrote something.

Or, you're welcome, rather.... either way.

After 19 posts per day on Hurricane Dean for a stretch, I decided to give you some time off from my mildly-amusing anecdotes. Today I'm back with some new pics, and a different version of the same story I tell every post... "We bought something and ate it. Yum."

We got up early today and hit the Saturday Farmer's Market in Lower Valley, near Bodden Town. We've been once before, and wanted to see how the farmers fared through the storm.

Most of the islands farms are on the North Side and on East End, the two areas hardest hit by Dean. We were worried that no one would show up, but were happily surprised to find the market bustling.

We did confirm that the storm did knock down any fruit that hadn't been picked, bringing the premature end to mango season we dreaded so.... The farmers filled their garages and storage areas with fruit, but when that's gone - it's gone. No more mangoes this season.

If the posts start to get darker, or somehow even MORE boring (I know, impossible) you'll know why...

We checked in with Zelma-Lee from Willie's, the fruit stand in Red Bay that we mention every....single.....post, then took a spin around the market. We saw huge tables of bananas, long poles of sugar cane, crates of strange fruits and vegetables, and a veritable constellation of different mangoes...

There are booths like "Mr. Andre's Bananas," "Cayman's Curative Salts," and (winner of Best Name Award) "Mr. Sparky's Amazing Farm...."

The farmers are so friendly and patient as we asked what things were and how to eat them.... I had fun imagining what I would say to a couple of overly-inquisitive Americans:

"If it's not a Pizza Hut topping, I guess Americans don't recognize it...."

or

"Oh, no, you wouldn't like these... they're not covered in Nacho Cheez...."

or

"Nope, sorry... no 'hot-fudge-flavored' mangoes today, sir...."

***Note - Kristi is insisting that I mention that my parents are lovely people, and it is NOT their fault that I'm such a nasty guy.***

Anyway, they were nice, I'm not, let's keep moving.

We bought callaloo (a spinach-like plant that eaten wilted, like greens in the south), a couple of coconut tarts, some seasoning peppers (like small Scoth Bonnets used for adding spice to recipes), and a bitter melon.

The picture at the top of the page is the bitter melon. It is very, very bitter, which makes up for the fact that it is not anything like a melon. One evens out the other... It's a lot like eggplant, and is common in asian cooking (or so the Filipino Farmer said... I think he may have just found them growing by the side of the road....)

I had to run Kristi to work, so we couldn't stay long at the market. It is a great time, and I'm excited to make visiting it a part of our weekly routine once I'm here permanently...

Kristi has been working a lot... I've been doing the Susie-Homemaker stuff (or DJ Funky-Fresh Susie Homemaker, as I demand to be called before I'll fold ANYTHING!!!!) and during my time alone I've re-kindled an old love affair...

RAMEN NOODLES!!!!!!

I'll have a whole ramen post for you, soon.... like it or not.

TA!

MSNBC gets in on the act, too....

2007-08-21T13:49:00.000-07:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20359805/

Nice Work if you can get it....

2007-08-21T12:02:00.000-07:00

Fox News put up some of my Hurricane Dean pics today.

Here's the link:

http://www.foxnews.com/photoessay/0,4644,2240,00.html

In exchange for the photos, Rupert Murdoch has agreed to stop lying to the American people, to stop distorting every news story to the point of Conservative hogwash, and to stop conspiring with the inhuman totalitarian regime in Communist China to continue to oppress their citizens with state-produced propoganda.

I wanted his head on a pike, but I already sent the videos of the Hurricane to CNN.

OOPS!!! I'm new to this.... Maybe next Hurricane.

Z

This morning, I woke up in a Curfew....

2007-08-20T15:34:00.000-07:00

Hey There,

The Curfew has been lifted, so we took a little drive around West Bay to see the aftermath.

Not much to report, actually... Some shingles here and there, and the fence is down at the Turtle Farm. (HA!)

The Sea Swell is still pretty crazy. Here's a little clip of it ravaging the poor, newly-repaired pier at the West Bay Public Beach.

It had big gaps that were just repaired this month... oh well.

We're so thankful that the little island got out of this unscathed. There were a few districts that got mashed up, but nothing like Jamaica and the coming devastation in the Yucatain, we fear.

Keep the residents of Belize, Honduras, Mexico, and the surrounding islands in your prayers as the recently-labeled Cat 5 heads their way...

The First Time I Ran in like 9 Years...

2007-08-20T11:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I was trying to get some video footage of the rock crab exodus when a HUGE wave came in and.....

"Swell" like a flood, not like Wally Cleaver says...

2007-08-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

The huge Sea Swell has rolled into West Bay. We heard report that East End, Bodden Town, Savannah, and other Eastern territories had gotten all mashed up when the swell rolled in, but we're just now feeling it on this side.

Huge waves, easily 10-12 feet are rolling over what is normally dry, iron shore. Thousands of tiny rock crabs are climbing the shore and in the vegetation across from where they usually scavenge.

There shouldn't be any flooding into the neighborhood. We're on a high foundation, either way.

Keep checking back, I'm getting great pics and video....

He's a Music Man, He's a what? He's a what?

2007-08-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

Playing the kalimba to help the storm on it's way.....

...with apologies to both my mother and Scot Phillips...

2007-08-20T07:30:00.001-07:00

But I just couldn't stay inside with all of this cool stuff happening outside....

This is the iron shore across the street from us...

This is a Poinciana Tree that didn't fare as well....

Up the street...

Down the street....

I'll have some vids posted soon... and again, I'm sorry for going outside even though "I Promised" not to...

Live and Direct from the Storm....

2007-08-20T05:07:00.001-07:00

I don't want to Triple Dog Dare mother nature with this next statement, but....

Things here are actually alright.

It's loud and ugly outside, but we still have power and A/C.

Every once in a while the wind will die down, and the roosters start going nuts. Crowing "Is that all ya got?" is keeping a smile on our faces, if nothing else....

Anyway, no telling what will happen, but for now, we're safe, dry, and in good spirits.

More later..... Ta!

Soggy Sabbatical

2007-08-19T15:59:00.000-07:00

Well, this is going to be it for a little while...

The storm is going to be here pretty much all day tomorrow. I hope to be back online Tuesday, but we'll see... Food, repairs, etc will probably occupy the bulk of our time, but I'll get the news out just as soon as possible.

I'll be calling my parents just as soon as I have cell service. The numbers are below if you'd like to check in.

Alright, all our love to all who read.... Wish us luck! Say a prayer for the Caribbean.

Z and K

p.s. Had to add some photos of what we've got working up in this piece.....

Water for refilling the back of the toilet, washing, etc....

Outdoor supply of water for same. "Sewage Trough?????" Are they nuts??????

This may not end up doing a danged thing, but it made me feel better for some reason....

Alright, this time I mean it... We love you and will be in touch!!!

Say a Prayer for the Caribbean

2007-08-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

Well, everything we can think to do is done.

The air mattress is blown up in the concrete block walk in closet. The supplies are ready. The laundry's done. The car is moved. The rum is someplace where Kristi can't find it and pour it out.... yep, that's about it.

The Water Authority is turning off water to the entire island at 8pm. They obviously can't schedule its reconnection, so at the advice of Livingston and Ola Powrey, our ever-vigilant friends (and landlords,) we filled a 60 gallon plastic drum with water outside to refill the back of the toilet.

The hurricane websites give directions on how to make your own chemical toilet, or how to line your bathtub with saranwrap to make a "sewage trough."

NO.

We took a drive to see if, by some miracle, the falafel place we like was still open.... I know, I know... These damned cravings... It was boarded up, but we did get to snap a few pics of how different places are getting secured.

This is the port at Hog Sty Bay (which, by the way, is where the cruise ships unload, the irony of which is not lost on us...) It's usually full of ships and tugboats, but today nothing. Not even waves. It's as if there should be an expression for this... something like "Calm before the Storm" or something..... Hmmm.....

Alright. We're about to take or last scheduled showers for the next while, and get hunkered down for whatever's coming our way.

The models show the storm spinning ever more to the south, which continues to encourage us. We'll probably post once more before the blackout, so keep checking back for whatever lame jokes I can think of between now and then....

Southbound Hound

2007-08-19T08:47:00.000-07:00

Dean is pulling more and more South, which is better and better for the Cayman Islands.

Flash flooding and mudslides have taken 5 lives in the Lesser Antilles. Cayman is expecting far less rain than they recieved, and we have no mountains....

We just went downtown to try and sneak into a parking garage to protect the likkle cyaar, but they have uniormed guards blocking all of the parking structures.

At first I was little upset by this, but then though "If illegal parking is their primary concern at this point, we're probably doing alright..." They'd be sandbagging their own homes if it was going to be bad, not worrying about the eyesore our Toyota Corsa would cause in their parking garage....

So never fear... it appears as though we're going to miss the brutality of Hurricane Dean, as well as maintain the integrity of our parking structures here in the British West Indies....

Squall a Brewin'

2007-08-19T07:10:00.000-07:00

The models now show the eye of the storm passing south uf us, instead of right over as was predeicted for the last two days.

This is huge... so much better. When a storm passes directly over a little island, the whirling winds batter you from one direction, and then reverse directions after the eye passes. Twice the destruction, twice the exposure, etc....

It looks as though we're going to catch the side of Ol' Dean, but not much more for now....

We'll keep you posted....

About the Hurricane....

2007-08-18T17:59:00.001-07:00

Dean's on his way, and we are definitely staying put.

We're taking all the necessary precautions, we have 12 gallons of water, ice, first aid, a full tank of gas in the car, duct tape, flashlights with extra batteries, canned food, three jars of organic peanut butter, coconut water, and 9 mangoes.

We got everything prepped around the perimeter, as well....

Making this:

Look like this:

..and this:

Look like this:

We're still not sure where we're sleeping. Our house is very secure, and we've gotten about 15 other offers from friends around the island. The hurricane shutters we have are the same ones that protect the bank windows downtown, so we have a lot of faith in our structure.

There's a well-built support system here of folks who've been through this before and look after those who haven't. There's a huge ex-pat population, and they're really there for each other in times like these.

The crews have been out taking down palm fronds, knocking down all of the coconuts, taking off long limbs and loose branches from trees that might come down.... Everything is boarded up and sandbagged... No one is taking any chances after the experience with Hurricane Ivan a few years back.

Neither of us are taking this lightly, but we honestly feel as though we'll be safe.

We've got our phones charged, and people say they'll still work after the storm.

If you need them, here are the numbers:
Zach - 345.926.2645
and
Kristi - 345.916.4515

I'll post again just as soon as possible. I'm not sure what the electrical situation will be after the storm. You'll get a full report with extensive pics just as soon as I can throw it up here....

Until then..... We love you guys.

British West Indenial

2007-08-18T04:48:00.000-07:00

Hurricane Dean is headed for us, but we spent yeterday at least pretending that was not the case.

There are numerous factors that make Dean significantly less worrisome than the destructive Ivan, but I won't bore you with them.... yet.

Instead, I'll talk about our mervelous day yesterday, and keep pretending that there's nothing troublesome on the horizon.

I picked Kristi up at work early, and we headed out to Willie's, the fruit stand that we love.

Mango season can stretch until mid-September, but I was worried that the storm would ravage the mango trees and end the harvest prematurely. Just in case, we wanted to stock up on al of our favorites before the bad weather hit.

We ended up hanging out for a half-hour, talking with Zelma Lee and young master Kieran about the storm and what they, too felt was the end of mango season.

Zelma Lee made Kristi and incredibly delicious fruit shake to sooth her sore throat. It had frozen mango, frozen papaya, milk powder, and her Secret Concoction of herbs and honey. Kristi felt better almost instantly, and we can't thank Zelma Lee enough for her generosity.

Kieran showed us all types of local fruit, including this Sour Sop.

Kieran's favorite mango is the Carrie mango, which is our favorite as well. Zelma Lee showed us a cutting technique for removing the large stone in the center of the mango, leaving a cavity that can be filled with whipped cream (or Soy Ice Cream) and then scooped out with a spoon, the peel making a very nice dessert-cup.

She also gave us some new mangoes to try:

The Sprirt of '76 Mango

The East Indian Mango, the undisputed favorite in Jamaica

..and the diminutive No. 11 Mango.

We're thankful for her kindness and can't wait to try them... I'll have a full report for you once we eat them, and once electricity is restored after the storm... Sorry, we weren't going to talk about that, right?

I'll have an official Hurricane Preperation Post for you this evening. Rest assured that we would not be staying if we felt it was too dangerous. All of our friends and neighbors aren't worried, and all point to our house as the most secure in the neighborhood.

The oft-mentioned Livingstone Powrey built our place with his own two hands, laying every block with care. Ivan didn't do a thing to it, so we have faith that Dean will not, either.

Alright, we're off to the Saturday Farmer's Market to grab up the last of the fresh produce, and you'll hear more later today.

Batten Down the Hatches....

2007-08-16T18:37:00.001-07:00

Meaning

Prepare for trouble.

Origin

Climate change is providing plenty of opportunity to reinforce our property against bad weather. The securing of property, especially the covering with protective sheeting, is called 'battening down'. That's not how the phrase originated, although it's not far away in terms of meaning. It has a nautical origin and 'battening down' was done on ships when bad weather was expected.

The earliest known citation is from John Badcock, in Domestic Amusements, 1823 (referring to a sea voyage):

"The severity of the climate having compelled them to batten down and caulk their abiding place."

A batten is a strip of wood. Caulking is the filling of gaps with oakum of similar, to prevent leaking. That's 'battening down' in a general sense. The first citation of the explicit use of the phrase 'batten down the hatches' is from the 1883 Chambers Journal:

"Batten down the hatches - quick, men."

See also - Nautical Phrases.

Hurricane Dean is projected to hit the Cayman Islands late this weekend.

As you can see, we're trying to remain strong in the face of adversity.

We haven't decided whether or not to remain on island during the storm, but will keep you posted as to our plans and condition.

STRENGF!!!!!

Drumroll, please........ At last, the Long Awaited Mango Post.

2007-08-16T05:28:00.000-07:00

First off, the incredible Carrie Mango.

The Carrie is the local favorite, as well as our personal favorite. Carries have smooth, green and yellow skin, lovely, deep orange flesh, and strike the perfect balance between sweetness and tanginess.

A lot of mangoes have fibrous pulp (referred to as "strings" or "straws") but there is almost no structure whatsoever within the Carrie. Smooth, incredibly juicy flesh that bursts with incredible flavor and renews one's faith in the Almighty.

Simply put, the perfect mango.

Next up, the Nelson Mango.

Nelson are another favorite of ours, but who are we kidding? They're all our favorites.

Nelsons are very juicy, rich mangoes with a little more sweetness than acidity. They're usually medium green, with lateral stripes. The flesh is very soft when ripe, and has very little string.

The Southern Blush mango is a new on for us. Willie's fruit stand out by Hurley's has a constellation of different fruits, and it's always fun to try their recommendations.

Southern Blush, as it's name implies, is Blush Red. The flesh is firmer and sweet, with medium fibers.

Another recommendation by the sweet lady that runs the fruit stand while Jeff (the usual mango-recommender, also her son) is out of town was this little guy, the Bombay Mango.

Small, with smooth olive skin and syrupy-sweet flesh, it is her favorite and now one of ours.

Small mangoes mean you don't have to feel guilty eating two. Or nine. Either way.

The Hayden (or "Haden") is another round mango with smooth green-and-yellow skin.

Another very balanced mango, it has the tangy, juicy, orange flesh that we love so much.

The Jakarta Mango was a new one for us, but it pushing the "Dot" and "Carrie" for the top mango honor.

Incedibly flavorful, juicy, and balanced, with deep orange flesh, the Jakarta has deep greep skin that fades to a beautiful blush by the stem. The Jakarta has no strings, and is simply incredible.

Another recommendation by Willie's, it's a permanent addition to our shopping list.

The Nam Docks Mango was the first Cayman mango we ever tried. So, it would be prudent to say that this mango changed our life. Hard.

Mr. Livingstone Powrey, proud keeper or the Cayman Maritime Tradition, also our landlord, recommended both Willie's Fruit Stand and the Nam Docks mango. For this, we'll probably have to name our first born after him.

The Nam Docks is a "long" mango. An asian cultivar, it can have yellow or green skin, often fading into a gorgeous orange by the stem.

The flavor is sweet and melon-y, the flesh beautifully firm and a smooth, medium orange. There is almost no strings whatsoever, making it easy to eat and impossible to forget.

The Valencia Pride Mango is another new one for us, but will be repeated. And repeated.

A very striking yellow-and-blush skin is bested only by the marvelous flesh contained within.

A deep yellow with very little string, the flesh is soft, juicy and tangy. It has a very pineapple-y flavor, but much smoother and more complex.

We had this one for beakfast yesterday alongside coco-bread toast (and cookies that I ate after Kristi went to work.)

The Tom Adkins mango was another of our first mango experiences here.

Rich, balanced flavor and a lot of juice makes this one delicious, but a little tedious to eat because of the strings.

The strings don't affect the flavor, just the texture. Fishing them out from in between teeth creates a small distraction, but we've learned to ignore it. I'm used to grabbing a flosser while in the bathroom rinsing the mango juice out of my sticky goatee.

Last for this post, but certainly not least, the incredible Springfield Mango is another new addition to our addiction list.

Light yellow flesh, with a very citrus-y nose, the flesh is juicy, virtually string-free, and firm. Tangy at first, the flavor evens out to a nice, round, sweetness the closer you get to the stone.

Springfileds have a nice size to them, perfect for sharing. Or not.

ALRIGHT, enough. Sorry to go on and on. We're hooked, what can we say?

I heard on the radio this morning that some drug raids have been succesful in nabbing a few local users.

I kept thinking: "I wonder if they just haven't heard about Willie's?"

But Officer, what do you mean "Fix My Hair?!?!"

2007-08-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm here, and at long last I'm driving. Legally.

With this newfound freedom, I've taken to driving by Willie's, the fruit stand we like in South Sound, every day... I wonder if they have restraining orders in Cayman?

Anyway, August is the perfect time for Sweet Guineps.

A Guinep is a little fruit that grows on tree in bunches, as shown here. They look like a marble-sized lime, but the skin is much thinner and brittle, and "Pops" open with a little pressure.

The skin is then easily removed in two halves, almost like egg shells. The fruit inside is a little... eh, slimy. I was a slow convert, with my Brookshire Gag, and all....

But, the flavor is amazing. It tastes almost exactly like Grape Kool-Aid. There's a small stone inside that you scrape with your teeth to get the fruit, and then spit... usually at Kristi. At least that's what I do.

Willie's also has Apple Bananas, which are little bananas that have the same texture and feel of a banana in your mouth, but taste exactly like apple.

I probably shouldn't get so excited about it. Maybe I could get other people to feel like I do if it tasted like Cotton Candy or Spicy Chili or something...

I'll ask Willie's about the "Chicken Noodle Soup Banana" tomorrow.

Last on the list was Breadfruit.

Breadfruit are found in Africa, Central America, and the Caribbean. The skin in green and tough, with a checked pattern. The flesh is light and starchy, and can be used almost exactly as a potato would be.

We've had Breadfruit pan-fried, baked, mashed, and (our favorite) steamed in coconut milk. We're trying Breadfruit Salad (with Vegan "Nayonaisse") tomorrow.

We also got some mangoes.... Have I mentioned mangoes previously? Hmmmm.......

More about mangoes tomorrow.

Mothers, Lock Up Your Mangoes....

2007-08-10T14:53:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm off.... heading down to Cayman, thanks to Ann and David, our incredible friends from 7 Mile Beach-by-way-of-Pennsylvania. I guess my incessant bitching has gotten some attention. I keed, I keed...

Their son, James, will be visiting the island for a week, and I'm really looking forward to spending some good time with him.

Seeing my wife will be alright, too.

Mango season ends in mid-September, so I believe I'll eat mangoes until I go blind from rapid-onset Diabetes.

I'm back to KC on the 28th of this month, hopefully to sign "Zachary Griffith and Kristi Kliebert (zachary griffith attorney-in-fact)" over and over again at closing until writer's cramp turns my hand into some type of swollen claw. That means I want this stankin house to sell.

Alright, I'll have a full mango post for you very soon.

One Stop!

The Heavy-Duty Ethnomusicology Part...

2007-08-07T20:16:00.000-07:00

I've gotten some emails about the Mbira, asking what it is and how it sounds, so I decided to use all of this free time to post some stuff about it. I'll get back to talking about mangoes and hermit crabs soon..... I hope.

Mbira is the traditional music of the Shona people of Zimbabwe. Its history dates back more than a thousand years. The music is an extension of the culture, folklore, wisdom and spirituality of the Shona people.

The word mbira is also used interchangeably to describe four related concepts:

The first is a musical instrument with sound producing metal keys.
The second concept of mbira refers to each individual key.
The third concept refers to a type of music played on the mbira instrument.
The fourth and final concept of refers to a family of instruments with similar general features but with different physical configurations, social and religious functions.
Of the different instruments in the mbira family, the most sacred and revered instrument is the 22-key Mbira dzaVadzimu or mbira of the ancestral spirits. Several versions of the same instrument with anywhere between 24 and 28 keys also exist with different tuning.

Shona Beliefs
Shona people believe that death is the passage of the body from one physical form to another and a separation of spirit from the body to a higher world of living spirits. Ancestral spirits are a source of comfort as well as the cornerstone of religious activity for, the living believe they are protected from worldly harm by their these spirits. Should a sudden misfortune befall a family, they turn first to their ancestral spirits for advice, guidance and protection. In many cases a family has a special spirit, or Mudzimu which, when properly appeased, speaks directly to the family through a living spirit medium. In a lengthy and protocol intensive special ceremony, called Bira or spirit possession ceremony, special songs, selected from a vast repertoire of spiritual arrangements, are recalled to welcome a deceased person's spirit back into the family. Shona prayers, poetry and words of praise are recited. The mbira and players qualified to play at such occasions, vana gwenyambira, take center stage as the ultimate vehicle to communicating with the spirits. The mbira instrument has all the elements required to "call" the ancestral spirits to participate in the Bira ceremony. The skill and endurance of mbira players persuades the spirit to possess a living spirit medium. It is during such a ceremony that ancestral spirits listen to the concerns of their living family members as well as impart to them the wisdom, advice, forgotten family customs and protocol to ensure a healthy and successful family or community. This is the most important religious and spiritual function of the instrument in the Shona culture and tradition.

Mbira Construction
The mbira dzavadzimu is a set of carefully shaped and sized metal keys that produce different tones. The keys are mounted on a rectangular wooden sound board that acts as a first level amplifier. The metal keys are mounted to form three registers, ergonomically arranged to facilitate playing with both thumbs and one forefinger. A metal plate, upon which bottle caps, or in the old days, snail shells are affixed, is attached to the front of the sound board. The shells produce a buzzing sound as they are excited from tones produced by the metal reeds. Unlike western music where a buzzing sound in considered distortion, and therefore undesirable, the mbira's buzzing sound is an integral and necessary part of the music. For the listener, the buzz "tunes out" other stimuli and allows the listener to hear the mbira rythms. The mbira is mounted inside a calabash resonator (deze). Bottle caps or snail shells are attached to the mouth of the calabash.

Spiritual Embodiment
The instrument's components, embody many spiritual aspects. The metal keys are made from smelted iron ore which is dug out from sacred hills and holy mountains where the Shona chiefs and Shona statesmen are buried. The keys thus personify the presence of ancestral spirits directly on the instrument. The sound board, made from a special kind of tree, mubvamaropa, represents a source of shelter and fuel, basic necessities in everyday Shona life. The resonator gourd or deze, into which the mbira is mounted and propped as a second level amplifier is a special type of dried squash, called Nhangatanga or the first squash, which is a source of food. It is also used as a water container, dende. In its smaller form and dried, the nhangatanga squash is used as a drinking gourd, mukombe. The instrument thus symbolizes the basic elements of everyday life in Shona. The mbira player adds the final and human dimension to complete a Shona social institution.

The Instrument and its Music
The mbira dzavadzimu is played by plucking the metal reeds with the right and left thumbs (downwards) and right forefinger (upwards). The music is a combination of multiple melodies arranged in phrases. Each phrase is cyclic and so are successive concatenations of phrases. The entire mbira piece is cyclic. However the ability to substitute carefully positioned octave or "related" keys not only provides multiple dimensions to the basic phrase structure of a mbira song but is also testimony to the ingenuity of its inventors. Two basic parts are associated with each song. The lead or kushaura and an accompanying part kutsinhira. Played together, the two interlock. Their interaction produces interwoven intended and unintended or resultant overtones. These overtones form the essence of the music as they can establish a multitude of feelings depending on the player or listener's state on mind. The music can be mesmerizing. It can establish, for the listener and player alike, a microcosm of serenity inducing a feeling of amazement, excitement and even a state of sheer catalepsy.

I'll post a couple of clips, one traditional Mbira piece...

and one more contemporary piece....

This is a Karimba, kind of an Mbira/Kalimba hybrid that I ordered from South Africa-by-way-of-Tucson. It's much easier to play, and since it has a traditional, diatonic tuning, more accessible for our Western ears.

Once these blisters heal, I'll post a clip of me playing it.

ALRIGHT CHILDREN. Casually pepper your next dinner-party conversation with this stuff, and people will practically fall all over themselves gushing over how you should be on Jeopardy.

You're welcome.

Nothing. DID YOU HEAR ME?!?!?! NOTHING!!!!!!

2007-08-07T12:20:00.000-07:00

This is my Mbira dzaVadzimu, a traditional instrument form Zimbabwe. Mine arrived last week, and I've developed blisters on my thumbs from playing it so much.

That really is all I have to report.

OH, I did watch a marvelous documentary online called "Outfoxed," which is about that bastard Rupert Murdoch and his evil "news" network, Fox.

Check it out on Youtube.com (just do a search for "outfoxed." It's posted in 8 sections) or at:

www.outfoxed.org

The website charges for the DVD, just watch it on Youtube.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

2007-08-05T19:35:00.000-07:00

This fish was found on the beach on Cayman Brac a while back, and was identified as a "Grenadier."

He knows how I feel right now.

Ta.

Please, Zizza, don't hurt em....

2007-08-05T07:29:00.000-07:00

Still no bites on the house....

I think I might bite someone if it doesn't sell soon, though....

I've spent the weekend stressing out over depressingly low bids on the 1966 Ludwig Burgundy Sparkle drumkit that I mentioned below. Apparently the "Vintage Drum Bubble" has burst along with the "Housing Bubble...." Anyway....

I did get to record some more lovely music with Ben Hooper last night, so the weekend was not a total waste.

I hope this blog can soon return to reporting "Zach and Kristi's Caribbean Adventure" instead of all of this "Crap Zach does in Kansas City while No One Buys His House" stuff.....

LATERS!!!

Sometimes you just gotta dance....

2007-08-01T15:34:00.000-07:00

Ry-pie and Bek Bek cuttin' dat rug....

...At the Car Wash, Yeah....

2007-07-31T20:48:00.001-07:00

Carly's rollerskating party was this evening, and I was drafted to be the photographer.

I don't skate. Not even a little. As tempting as it was to strap on skates for "action shots," (not to mention how exciting it would be for the kids to see the inside of a REAL ambulance....) I was able to resist, and got some good, generic "Birthday Shots."

The theme was "Pirates," but I was screamed at by the so-called "Management" for bringing in an absolutely STUNNING bottle of Anguilan Rum.

Yeah, I know, it makes NO sense.... Effing Rolladium and their effing "Rules to Keep Everyone Safe..."

I still got all arty-farty with the exposure on the new camera...

Capturing shots like this.....

...and shots like this......

...as well as some video footage of the Limbo and "Red Light, Green Light" that I think could win me a Pulitzer.

If I win, I'm taking the money (you get money for that, right?) and BUYING that stinking Rolladium and changing the rules so that you HAVE TO HAVE RUM TO COME IN, NO EXCEPTIONS..... HA!!!! I'll show them "Safe."

Idle Hands and Whatnot....

2007-07-30T10:55:00.001-07:00

This is Zafari going bananas with all of this freetime.

Now that the house is done, and I have no job, I've found myself with some extra time. Since I've programmed myself to rush and feel guilty while doing anything except painting or spackling for the last three months, it's a little hard to get used to doing anything else without rushing and feeling guilty.

I usually swing my the house in the morning to see if there's any trash in the yard, or if someone STOLE THE SIGN AGAIN. I fool around inside, touching up paint and re-sweeping floors, all the while feeling like an unwelcome guest. There have been a few lookers thus far, but no offers in the first 5 days, I'm sad (but not surprised) to report.

If it's not sold by the last week of mango season, I'm burning the bitch down and heading back to the little island.

I have spent some time going through old photos, which has been great. Laura, Carly, and Rebecca have all gotten into scrapbooking, but I don't think I'm THAT depressed.... yet.

Carly's birthday is on Wednesday, and so Laura, Rebecca and I took her to the Aly & A.J. concert last night. Bianca Ryan, Drake (of Drake & Josh fame,) and Corbin Bleu were all opening acts. Not shaving for 3 months, wearing a beanie I bought from the Rastas in Barbados, along with the fact that I'm not a 9-year-old girl made me stand out just a little....

I have to admit I was impressed by the musicianship of three of the four acts. So impressed, in fact, that I threw my underwear on stage while Drake (of Drake & Josh fame) was performing.

I spent the morning listing ebay auctions on some of the vintage drum garbage that I can't take with me to Cayman. IF you're in the market, feel free to bid. OR, just buy the house and I'll throw it all in...

I know this is supposed to be a blog about Cayman, and that the only mention in this post is as a place to flee after committing arson, but cut me some slack, here.... Oh, wait... here we go:

Kristi is still on the Brac and heads back to Grand Cayman on the first. With any luck, our car will have been stolen and the farms will have developed Dutch Mango Disease or Mango Parvo or Ebola Mongonus or something....

TA!

Bursting the Housing Bubble....

2007-07-26T15:50:00.000-07:00

FINALLY!!!! The house went on the market yesterday after 2 and a half months of hammering my thumb. I've used up nearly all of my money and curse words, so I guess it's just in time.

Check it out at:

http://www.reeceandnichols.com/Listing/ListingDetail.aspx?Search=59ef9a40-1260-4b7b-ae56-91f7a908e2ca&Listing=23946601&IRPAgentID=9130741&Image=1&First=1&Last=10&pagesize=10&SearchType=&ListingDistrictTypeID=&FirstLetter=&Sort=5&Cookies=

Then make an offer....

The experience has been educational.

I learned how to do drywall and re-finish hardwood flooring.

I learned that I STANK at this "hard work" stuff.

I've learned the Home Depot WILL call the cops on you when you come back and make a scene after getting crappy plumbing advice....

Lots of learning. I've also learned that if you hear "fixer upper" in the description of a house you should run like you're being chased by a wild dog.

After finishing up with the realtor, I did have the extreme pleasure of cutting drums for a recording session out in Blue Springs.

Ben Hooper, a marvelous instrumentalist, compser, and friend was tracking at Soundworks Studio, and invited me to play some drums on his new stuff.

Ben's very creative and loves to experiment, letting me bring in crazy old drums and go for very wild sounds.

The session went well, and I'll let you know when his soon-to-be-critically-acclaimed CD comes out....

Ta!

Brackin' 2 - Electric Boogaloo....

2007-07-24T07:36:00.000-07:00

WELL.... Day 2 of the garage sale consisted of 6 hours of sitting and NOT ONE SINGLE CUSTOMER. NOT ONE!!!!!! It was nice getting to sit and talk with our marvelous neighbors, Scot and Marla, but a pocketful of cash would have been nice, also. Less trash to take to Goodwill would also have been nice..... well, who cares? I'm not above illegal midnight dumping....

Kristi doesn't have a dedicated internet connection where she stays on the Brac. Someone in an adjacent apartment does, and so she's been scamming off of their wireless signal. Well, they got wise to it and firewalled her. Now, if we want to skype or if she wants to check email, she has to go and sit at the only free internet hotspot on the island, THE AIRPORT!!!!!

If I went up to KCI and sat in a bench every day with a computer, never flying anywhere, how long do you think it would take them to ship me to Guantanamo for questioning? I guess that's not a big deal on an island with 3,000 residents. Instead of waterboarding her someplace, they just see "the American with the computer" and wave.... Nice, huh?

She's got a little more than a week left on the Brac, and while she enjoyed it, she's looking forward to getting back to West Bay.

The realtor comes to take pictures and put a sign in front of our house tomorrow. I'm really excited, but also very sad. First house, so many great memories, etc... BUT, making new memories on a little island is alright, too....

Bajan Green Monkeys Fear No Man.....

2007-07-21T20:48:00.000-07:00

....and speaking of Nature Reserves.... This is a vid we took at the Barbados Wildlife Park last November. I thought it would be funny to scare a Green Monkey. I was mistaken.

Bric a Brac

2007-07-21T20:21:00.000-07:00

Well... not much to report, I'm sad to say... Is that ineffective blogging? Posting that there's nothing to post? Yeah, well, who cares?

Krist's still loving the Brac. Not to dwell on this point, BUT, the people are incredibly friendly. She loves the patients, and several have brought her fresh mangoes... which makes me jealous and angry that I'm not there to eat them.... AND to be with her, yeah, that too, of course.... but the mangoes, grrrrrr......

She hiked inside the Cayman Brac Cayman Parrot Reserve today, and actually spotted wild Cayman Parrots. Cayman Parrots are an endangered species, often culled by farmers for destroying their crops..... AND WHICH CROP MAINLY????? MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmangoes.... I'm experiencing a little cognitive dissonance, here... I'm all for conservation and protecting animals, but I loves mi mangoes....

I'm back in Kansas City to finish the work on the house and get it sold. I had a garage sale today... My dad came over at 7:15am, at which point it started raining. My sister Laura came with him to help, and we dragged all of my garbage from the garage to the front yard. A grand total of 7 (Yes, SEVEN) people showed up, and I raked in a cool (drumroll, please......) 5 GODDAMN DOLLARS. Woo-hooo.... Now that I'm moving to Cayman I'll have a place to hide that from the Government.... you know, like in "The Firm." Anyway, I hope to have the house listed this week, and to be back with Kristi as soon as possible... I'll keep you updated..... LATE!!!!!

Safe and Sound....

2007-07-16T16:02:00.000-07:00

I just heard from Kristi. She arrived in the Brac just fine and has gotten settled into an apartment that is significantly larger and fancier than ours.

She arrived last night, picked up her rental car, and started exploring. She was having a tiny bit of trouble finding the apartment, so she pulled into a restaurant parking lot to ask for directions. The lady behind the counter said "Here, dear, I'll show you..." and stepped out into the parking lot. Instead of pointing in the direction of the complex, she got into the rental car, and navigated all the way there... while on the clock!

Caribbean people are incredibly friendly (except the cops, who DO NOT have a sense of humor and apparently DO NOT like to dance....) Resdients of Cayman Brac, or "Brackers," are extra-friendly... even by Caribbean standards.

Kristi's first day of work went well, and she's already got the hook-up on some fresh mangoes. "East Indian" are a favorite in Jamaica, but we've yet to try them... Kristi tracked some down, and is giving me a full report tonight. I'll let you know....

I've gotten a few emails about the pictures I'm posting. They're all pics I've taken around the island...some at the nature reserve, some in our yard...some in the parking lot of the Royal Bank of Canada. If you'd like digital files of any to use as screen wallpaper or whatever just email me, I'll send em right over... Also, my critically acclaimed series of nude self-portraits entitled "Too Hairy?" is also available at no charge.....

Brac Bound....

2007-07-15T07:03:00.000-07:00

Kristi is leaving the cozy confines of our little place in West Bay for a couple of weeks on Cayman Brac, one of the "sister islands." The Brac is about a half mile wide and 8 miles long... agoraphobics beware. They say it's like Grand Cayman was 30 years ago, which is exciting. The hospital for whom she's working is setting her up with an apartment and a car, so she'll be able to do a little exploring... I wish I was going along with her, I'm sad and little jealous....

Being vegetarians in Grand Cayman is easy... we're able to find all of the same products we use back home, with even fresher and more diverse produce.... The Brac has "A grocery store," and we're a little nervous about what she'll be eating... She's taking three jars of peanut butter just in case... Peanut Butter and mangoes for 17 days? I think I could handle that....

At Least it's not Crystal Meth!!!

2007-07-13T20:05:00.000-07:00

WELL....full blown mango addiction has set in. After a recommendation by Livingstone Powrey (former Merchant Marine, expert on all things Caymanian, also our landlord....) we checked out a stand that offers all sorts of locally grown produce. We ate papaya, plantains, breadfruit, but best of all.... mangoes.

We bought Carrie, Dot, Nam Docks, and Nelson mangoes, and devoured 20 within 4 days. The incredible orange flesh bursts with juice and flavor, ruining forever the "balls of syrupy dental floss" that pass as fresh mangoes stateside. We googled mango facts with sticky fingers, checked expedia for trips to Southeast Asia and India to coincide with their mango seasons, and feebly attempted recipes that included mangoes, knowing all the while we'd just end up peeling and eating them by the sink.....

We are officially the "Whitney and Bobby" of the mango world... and Rehab? No, No, NO.

I wish I had pics to post, but anytime we lined them up, we noticed how ripe one was and forgot all about the camera. We argued and slapped at one another for the next bite, trading all dignity and self-respect for the melt-in-your-mouth goodness of Caymanian Mango.

Our advice? Don't start. Just say no. Whatever. We'll be scratching and crying through withdrawl once the season ends in September.... When the posts become significantly darker and depressed, you'll know why....

I think I hear Kristi opening the fridge...

...and P.S. Here's an Iguana.

2007-07-12T19:46:00.000-07:00

A rare Cayman Blue Iguana, to be exact. This one is shedding, revealing the beautiful blue skin for which it was named. We caught this vid at the Botanical Gardens over in North Side. Scientists estimate that there are fewer than 30 wild Cayman Blue Iguanas left. Check out www.blueiguana.ky to learn more.

Buying a Car, er "CYAAR...."

2007-07-12T19:02:00.000-07:00

Buying a car in the Cayman Islands is an incredible pain in the ass. Importers have to pay the cost of shipping (usually around $1,000 to $1,500,) plus the duty to bring it in to the country (a percentage of the assessed value that the Govt declares between 27.5% and 32.5%.)

If you decide to pay the outrageous shipping to bring your own car, you never know how much they'll say your vehicle is worth until they're looking at it, so it's very stressful trying to decide the best course of action.

These costs are tacked onto to the inflated selling price of the car, making it RIDICULOUSLY expensive when compared with the American market. PLUS, many of the cars on the island were there during hurricane Ivan, were completely submerged with salty sea water, which may affect their future performance. And their smell.

Looking at 1996 Ford Mustangs with rust, stained interiors, and $8,000 price tags.... hard to keep a straight face.

Anyway... after a lot of fussin' an' cussin' we decided on a Toyota Corsa, which is the right-hand-drive, Japanese release of what we call the Toyota Tercel. Not to brag... but, we did get a free air freshener in the deal.

SO, the roads of Grand Cayman have just become significantly less safe... look both ways, children.

Handsome Devil, the Caribbean Rooster that lives in our Yard.

2007-07-10T19:22:00.001-07:00

Our Contact Info... Just in Case...

2007-07-10T19:03:00.000-07:00

...if you need it...

Zach:
prince.zafari@gmail.com
www.myspace.com/princezafari
skype screenname "prince.zafari"

Kristi:
kkliebert@gmail.com
www.myspace.com/battlesthepinkrobots
skype screenname "floradefrancia"

Getting Settled In....

2007-07-10T14:13:00.000-07:00

WELL, after years of landlocked clinical depression, we decided that it was time for an adventure. That is, Kristi decided, I just have to go along with whatever she decides. SO, in late April of 2007, we moved from Kansas City, Missouri to incredible West Bay, Grand Cayman, BWI. Kristi scored a Physiotherapist position at the Chrissie Tomlinson Memorial Hospital in Georgetown. I scored some rum. I think I win.... either way, it marvelous here. We hope you'll check back, and please leave your contact info so we can keep in touch. Thanks.....