...At the Car Wash, Yeah....

Carly's rollerskating party was this evening, and I was drafted to be the photographer.

I don't skate. Not even a little. As tempting as it was to strap on skates for "action shots," (not to mention how exciting it would be for the kids to see the inside of a REAL ambulance....) I was able to resist, and got some good, generic "Birthday Shots."



The theme was "Pirates," but I was screamed at by the so-called "Management" for bringing in an absolutely STUNNING bottle of Anguilan Rum.



Yeah, I know, it makes NO sense.... Effing Rolladium and their effing "Rules to Keep Everyone Safe..."

I still got all arty-farty with the exposure on the new camera...






Capturing shots like this.....











...and shots like this......







...as well as some video footage of the Limbo and "Red Light, Green Light" that I think could win me a Pulitzer.

If I win, I'm taking the money (you get money for that, right?) and BUYING that stinking Rolladium and changing the rules so that you HAVE TO HAVE RUM TO COME IN, NO EXCEPTIONS..... HA!!!! I'll show them "Safe."

Idle Hands and Whatnot....

This is Zafari going bananas with all of this freetime.

Now that the house is done, and I have no job, I've found myself with some extra time. Since I've programmed myself to rush and feel guilty while doing anything except painting or spackling for the last three months, it's a little hard to get used to doing anything else without rushing and feeling guilty.

I usually swing my the house in the morning to see if there's any trash in the yard, or if someone STOLE THE SIGN AGAIN. I fool around inside, touching up paint and re-sweeping floors, all the while feeling like an unwelcome guest. There have been a few lookers thus far, but no offers in the first 5 days, I'm sad (but not surprised) to report.

If it's not sold by the last week of mango season, I'm burning the bitch down and heading back to the little island.


I have spent some time going through old photos, which has been great. Laura, Carly, and Rebecca have all gotten into scrapbooking, but I don't think I'm THAT depressed.... yet.

Carly's birthday is on Wednesday, and so Laura, Rebecca and I took her to the Aly & A.J. concert last night. Bianca Ryan, Drake (of Drake & Josh fame,) and Corbin Bleu were all opening acts. Not shaving for 3 months, wearing a beanie I bought from the Rastas in Barbados, along with the fact that I'm not a 9-year-old girl made me stand out just a little....

I have to admit I was impressed by the musicianship of three of the four acts. So impressed, in fact, that I threw my underwear on stage while Drake (of Drake & Josh fame) was performing.


I spent the morning listing ebay auctions on some of the vintage drum garbage that I can't take with me to Cayman. IF you're in the market, feel free to bid. OR, just buy the house and I'll throw it all in...

I know this is supposed to be a blog about Cayman, and that the only mention in this post is as a place to flee after committing arson, but cut me some slack, here.... Oh, wait... here we go:

Kristi is still on the Brac and heads back to Grand Cayman on the first. With any luck, our car will have been stolen and the farms will have developed Dutch Mango Disease or Mango Parvo or Ebola Mongonus or something....

TA!

Bursting the Housing Bubble....

FINALLY!!!! The house went on the market yesterday after 2 and a half months of hammering my thumb. I've used up nearly all of my money and curse words, so I guess it's just in time.

Check it out at:

http://www.reeceandnichols.com/Listing/ListingDetail.aspx?Search=59ef9a40-1260-4b7b-ae56-91f7a908e2ca&Listing=23946601&IRPAgentID=9130741&Image=1&First=1&Last=10&pagesize=10&SearchType=&ListingDistrictTypeID=&FirstLetter=&Sort=5&Cookies=

Then make an offer....


The experience has been educational.

I learned how to do drywall and re-finish hardwood flooring.

I learned that I STANK at this "hard work" stuff.

I've learned the Home Depot WILL call the cops on you when you come back and make a scene after getting crappy plumbing advice....

Lots of learning. I've also learned that if you hear "fixer upper" in the description of a house you should run like you're being chased by a wild dog.


After finishing up with the realtor, I did have the extreme pleasure of cutting drums for a recording session out in Blue Springs.

Ben Hooper, a marvelous instrumentalist, compser, and friend was tracking at Soundworks Studio, and invited me to play some drums on his new stuff.

Ben's very creative and loves to experiment, letting me bring in crazy old drums and go for very wild sounds.

The session went well, and I'll let you know when his soon-to-be-critically-acclaimed CD comes out....

Ta!

Brackin' 2 - Electric Boogaloo....

WELL.... Day 2 of the garage sale consisted of 6 hours of sitting and NOT ONE SINGLE CUSTOMER. NOT ONE!!!!!! It was nice getting to sit and talk with our marvelous neighbors, Scot and Marla, but a pocketful of cash would have been nice, also. Less trash to take to Goodwill would also have been nice..... well, who cares? I'm not above illegal midnight dumping....


Kristi doesn't have a dedicated internet connection where she stays on the Brac. Someone in an adjacent apartment does, and so she's been scamming off of their wireless signal. Well, they got wise to it and firewalled her. Now, if we want to skype or if she wants to check email, she has to go and sit at the only free internet hotspot on the island, THE AIRPORT!!!!!

If I went up to KCI and sat in a bench every day with a computer, never flying anywhere, how long do you think it would take them to ship me to Guantanamo for questioning? I guess that's not a big deal on an island with 3,000 residents. Instead of waterboarding her someplace, they just see "the American with the computer" and wave.... Nice, huh?


She's got a little more than a week left on the Brac, and while she enjoyed it, she's looking forward to getting back to West Bay.

The realtor comes to take pictures and put a sign in front of our house tomorrow. I'm really excited, but also very sad. First house, so many great memories, etc... BUT, making new memories on a little island is alright, too....

Bajan Green Monkeys Fear No Man.....

....and speaking of Nature Reserves.... This is a vid we took at the Barbados Wildlife Park last November. I thought it would be funny to scare a Green Monkey. I was mistaken.

Bric a Brac

Well... not much to report, I'm sad to say... Is that ineffective blogging? Posting that there's nothing to post? Yeah, well, who cares?

Krist's still loving the Brac. Not to dwell on this point, BUT, the people are incredibly friendly. She loves the patients, and several have brought her fresh mangoes... which makes me jealous and angry that I'm not there to eat them.... AND to be with her, yeah, that too, of course.... but the mangoes, grrrrrr......


She hiked inside the Cayman Brac Cayman Parrot Reserve today, and actually spotted wild Cayman Parrots. Cayman Parrots are an endangered species, often culled by farmers for destroying their crops..... AND WHICH CROP MAINLY????? MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmangoes.... I'm experiencing a little cognitive dissonance, here... I'm all for conservation and protecting animals, but I loves mi mangoes....


I'm back in Kansas City to finish the work on the house and get it sold. I had a garage sale today... My dad came over at 7:15am, at which point it started raining. My sister Laura came with him to help, and we dragged all of my garbage from the garage to the front yard. A grand total of 7 (Yes, SEVEN) people showed up, and I raked in a cool (drumroll, please......) 5 GODDAMN DOLLARS. Woo-hooo.... Now that I'm moving to Cayman I'll have a place to hide that from the Government.... you know, like in "The Firm." Anyway, I hope to have the house listed this week, and to be back with Kristi as soon as possible... I'll keep you updated..... LATE!!!!!

Safe and Sound....

I just heard from Kristi. She arrived in the Brac just fine and has gotten settled into an apartment that is significantly larger and fancier than ours.

She arrived last night, picked up her rental car, and started exploring. She was having a tiny bit of trouble finding the apartment, so she pulled into a restaurant parking lot to ask for directions. The lady behind the counter said "Here, dear, I'll show you..." and stepped out into the parking lot. Instead of pointing in the direction of the complex, she got into the rental car, and navigated all the way there... while on the clock!

Caribbean people are incredibly friendly (except the cops, who DO NOT have a sense of humor and apparently DO NOT like to dance....) Resdients of Cayman Brac, or "Brackers," are extra-friendly... even by Caribbean standards.

Kristi's first day of work went well, and she's already got the hook-up on some fresh mangoes. "East Indian" are a favorite in Jamaica, but we've yet to try them... Kristi tracked some down, and is giving me a full report tonight. I'll let you know....

I've gotten a few emails about the pictures I'm posting. They're all pics I've taken around the island...some at the nature reserve, some in our yard...some in the parking lot of the Royal Bank of Canada. If you'd like digital files of any to use as screen wallpaper or whatever just email me, I'll send em right over... Also, my critically acclaimed series of nude self-portraits entitled "Too Hairy?" is also available at no charge.....

Brac Bound....

Kristi is leaving the cozy confines of our little place in West Bay for a couple of weeks on Cayman Brac, one of the "sister islands." The Brac is about a half mile wide and 8 miles long... agoraphobics beware. They say it's like Grand Cayman was 30 years ago, which is exciting. The hospital for whom she's working is setting her up with an apartment and a car, so she'll be able to do a little exploring... I wish I was going along with her, I'm sad and little jealous....

Being vegetarians in Grand Cayman is easy... we're able to find all of the same products we use back home, with even fresher and more diverse produce.... The Brac has "A grocery store," and we're a little nervous about what she'll be eating... She's taking three jars of peanut butter just in case... Peanut Butter and mangoes for 17 days? I think I could handle that....

At Least it's not Crystal Meth!!!

WELL....full blown mango addiction has set in. After a recommendation by Livingstone Powrey (former Merchant Marine, expert on all things Caymanian, also our landlord....) we checked out a stand that offers all sorts of locally grown produce. We ate papaya, plantains, breadfruit, but best of all.... mangoes.

We bought Carrie, Dot, Nam Docks, and Nelson mangoes, and devoured 20 within 4 days. The incredible orange flesh bursts with juice and flavor, ruining forever the "balls of syrupy dental floss" that pass as fresh mangoes stateside. We googled mango facts with sticky fingers, checked expedia for trips to Southeast Asia and India to coincide with their mango seasons, and feebly attempted recipes that included mangoes, knowing all the while we'd just end up peeling and eating them by the sink.....

We are officially the "Whitney and Bobby" of the mango world... and Rehab? No, No, NO.

I wish I had pics to post, but anytime we lined them up, we noticed how ripe one was and forgot all about the camera. We argued and slapped at one another for the next bite, trading all dignity and self-respect for the melt-in-your-mouth goodness of Caymanian Mango.

Our advice? Don't start. Just say no. Whatever. We'll be scratching and crying through withdrawl once the season ends in September.... When the posts become significantly darker and depressed, you'll know why....

I think I hear Kristi opening the fridge...

...and P.S. Here's an Iguana.

A rare Cayman Blue Iguana, to be exact. This one is shedding, revealing the beautiful blue skin for which it was named. We caught this vid at the Botanical Gardens over in North Side. Scientists estimate that there are fewer than 30 wild Cayman Blue Iguanas left. Check out www.blueiguana.ky to learn more.

Buying a Car, er "CYAAR...."

Buying a car in the Cayman Islands is an incredible pain in the ass. Importers have to pay the cost of shipping (usually around $1,000 to $1,500,) plus the duty to bring it in to the country (a percentage of the assessed value that the Govt declares between 27.5% and 32.5%.)

If you decide to pay the outrageous shipping to bring your own car, you never know how much they'll say your vehicle is worth until they're looking at it, so it's very stressful trying to decide the best course of action.

These costs are tacked onto to the inflated selling price of the car, making it RIDICULOUSLY expensive when compared with the American market. PLUS, many of the cars on the island were there during hurricane Ivan, were completely submerged with salty sea water, which may affect their future performance. And their smell.

Looking at 1996 Ford Mustangs with rust, stained interiors, and $8,000 price tags.... hard to keep a straight face.

Anyway... after a lot of fussin' an' cussin' we decided on a Toyota Corsa, which is the right-hand-drive, Japanese release of what we call the Toyota Tercel. Not to brag... but, we did get a free air freshener in the deal.



SO, the roads of Grand Cayman have just become significantly less safe... look both ways, children.

Handsome Devil, the Caribbean Rooster that lives in our Yard.

Our Contact Info... Just in Case...

...if you need it...

Zach:
prince.zafari@gmail.com
www.myspace.com/princezafari
skype screenname "prince.zafari"

Kristi:
kkliebert@gmail.com
www.myspace.com/battlesthepinkrobots
skype screenname "floradefrancia"

Getting Settled In....

WELL, after years of landlocked clinical depression, we decided that it was time for an adventure. That is, Kristi decided, I just have to go along with whatever she decides. SO, in late April of 2007, we moved from Kansas City, Missouri to incredible West Bay, Grand Cayman, BWI. Kristi scored a Physiotherapist position at the Chrissie Tomlinson Memorial Hospital in Georgetown. I scored some rum. I think I win.... either way, it marvelous here. We hope you'll check back, and please leave your contact info so we can keep in touch. Thanks.....